Song: “Ocean Man” by Ween
Mood: 7
Nightmares: 0
Ghosts: Lots
I just noticed that two years ago today I wrote the first post on this blog. I had been out of the hospital for two days after spending five weeks in the psych ward (my second visit). I wanted to share my experiences, let other people know that the views and treatments of mental health have changed for the better over the last while, and hopefully be a net positive voice (however tiny). I have learned so much in these two years, and I genuinely think I’m a better person because of it.
None of this – the blog, the experiences, the knowledge – would have happened without the love and support of so many people. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but there are so many people who have done things that kept me going, even on my worst days. Everything from spending hours, days, weeks, months, years under the care of competent professionals who genuinely care about their patients, to getting a happy face emoji in a text at the right time… it has all contributed to my recovery and it is impossible for me to properly express how incredibly grateful I am.
The best I can do is say thank you, everyone. I hope you know who you are and how much your time and support mean to me. I don’t understand why some of you have stuck around, but you have given me something so valuable by being who you are and doing what you do.
Anyway… I hadn’t planned to write anything about a blogiversary. I stumbled across it by accident while looking for a particular image.
So, the big thing that’s going on in my head is that – for whatever reason – I can meditate again. Aside from chasing some ghosts, I can sit in a quiet room and not need to worry about what my brain is going to start doing. This is a very good thing, because while the mindfulness and meditation exercises aren’t as big a part of my day as they used to be, not being able to do them when I’m feeling a little rough makes things difficult.
Combine the above with no nightmares and I’m pretty happy with how things are going. Yes, I’ve been here before, and yes, it sucked that I had to work and wait to get back to this point, but recovery is not a straight line. Here’s a picture that I’ve posted a couple of times. It’s from one of my first appointments from Dr C, but it’s still just as relevant today:
Recovery has its ups and downs; the goal is to have the underlying trend be positive.
I had an appointment with Dr C today. It went reasonably well. I asked her what she thought about those water detectors I’ve been thinking about and we spent quite a while thinking through that. As is often the case, I didn’t leave with a firm answer, but more of a guide to use when thinking about it. I think that one or maybe two standalone (not networked) detectors is a good idea. Having them scattered around the house and setting up a central point to monitor them all is not a good idea. They’re not essential and I shouldn’t treat them that way.
I think.
J surprised me by picking me up from my appointment, which was very nice of her. We went home, had a good chat, and had some supper before she went off to study and I went to go puttering around. We watched another iZombie this evening, it was pretty good.
FA is coming over tomorrow morning so we can work on her project. After the great progress we made last week, I am pretty confident that we will get it done or almost done tomorrow. She still has Friday available in the event that we don’t finish things up tomorrow. I am looking forward to hanging out with FA, talking, and working around problems that pop up. We make a pretty great team and between us I think we can figure almost anything out!
I also have a Dr H appointment tomorrow afternoon. With luck, it won’t cause too much disruption with the work FA and I are doing.
Assuming I don’t sleep through my alarm again, I plan to get up a little earlier than usual tomorrow. So, I’m heading to bed a little earlier, too. Tomorrow’s going to be a good day!
Stay safe.