I need to keep this post short because it’s late and I really need to get to bed. Here goes…
I woke up several times last night because I was worrying about things, but I had taken pictures of a bunch of things on my way to bed so I could look at them on my phone and know the garage door and gate were closed, the stove was off, the hot water tank wasn’t leaking, etc. Sometimes it doesn’t help much but sometimes it helps quite a bit, and it helped last night. We had a big storm in the morning sometime but I didn’t notice it at all, which I think is probably a good thing. No nightmares, which is a great thing.
My exercises didn’t go well again today but FA had a great idea – put on a pair of ear defenders over my earbuds so I can listen to the waves and thunderstorms without having to turn them up loud, and the ear defenders will block out a lot of the house and outside sounds. I think it’s a great idea, but I want to ask what Dr P says. I’m wondering if he’d rather I face the stuff that’s bothering me rather than masking it, but even if I used it for a couple of days (or a couple of times a week) and it works, that would be a big help. Thanks, FA!
I listened to some records today and gave more thought to the question of whether I should stay with Dr P or return to Dr C. It’s a simple question but it’s bothering me quite a bit.
I sent out my texts again and got quite a few responses. Nobody is obligated to text me back but it’s good to hear from people. I am still making a conscious effort to cut back on how much time I spend going through my text/email histories. I’m making some progress – there are a couple of people who I can convince myself that I don’t need to check the text histories for. It still takes over an hour of my day to do it, but that’s down from the 90 minutes to two hours it used to take.
My Dr W appointment was difficult today but he was very encouraging and helpful. No medication changes today, which is fine, but if things keep bothering me like this we’re going to try taking me off the quetiapine and moving me over to risperidone. I also talked to him about the bad night I had a couple of sleeps ago and told him about how I chase ghosts all day when J’s not home. He had an interesting comment: would I rather be the kind of person who sat at home and chased down every possible problem day after day, hour after hour? Or would I rather be the person who goes out and enjoys life, but understands that things happen and that’s what insurance is for? Obviously, I want to be the second person. My quandary is how to get there.
Tomorrow is Dr P. I have done the homework he asked me to, and I have some questions for him. Oh, and I need to remember to take that other entrance because the main entrance is closed for construction.