There’s Going To Be Some Whimpering

Song: N/A

Mood: 7

Nightmares: 0

Ghosts: Lots

I didn’t sleep all that great again last night. I don’t know if I’m waking up because I’m worrying or I’m worrying because I’m waking up. It’s not the end of the world, but it would be nice to be able to wake up in the morning, stretch, smile at the sunshine, and go about my day… instead of the usual trying to figure out where I am, stumbling around the house for a while, and slowly pull myself together.

My appointment with Dr C went pretty well. I had some concerns about moving our appointments to every second week but I asked her my little list of questions and her answers have me feeling a little better. No, she’s not shuffling me out the door. No, she’s not shutting down her practice. No, she’s not moving. Yes, it’s normal for the interval between appointments to increase as time goes on. Yes, there is a risk of the appointments themselves becoming part of my habit/routine and feeding into my anxiety.

She reassured me that even if I was coming in for appointments once a month or once every couple of months, I could still call or email her and get in for an appointment at any time if I was having trouble. She also said, “You’re not going to be coming here forever,” which, when I think about it, is an interesting (and very true) point. There will hopefully come a point where I won’t need to see Dr C anymore, and there’s always the chance that things will change as life tends to do – she may move or retire or any number of things, and I may move or decide to see a different therapist or any number of things. Who knows. At any rate, I felt better leaving the appointment than I did going in.

I kept quite busy this afternoon. When I got home there was a message from my mom on the answering machine so I gave her a call back and we had a short chat. My aunt and uncle are coming through town next week and they were wondering if I was interested in a quick visit. I haven’t seen them in… 12 years? 15? I’m a little hesitant about seeing them but after talking with J I called Mom back this evening and told her that it’d be fine. It will be good to see them and catch up!

I watched part of Bumblebee this afternoon. I like it quite a bit so far, particularly because it’s not entirely about explosions and laser beams like the recent Transformers movies have become, and I really like Bumblebee’s design. It’s a lot more like what I remember from watching the cartoons and the toy I still have somewhere. Plus, Bumblebee is supposed to be a VW Beetle (not a Camaro). The original, not the reinvention from 20 years ago or whatever. Actually, now that I think about it, all of the robots in the movie so far look a lot more like they folded out from whatever vehicle they drove/swooped in as. Plus, the last movie I watched with Hailee Steinfeld in it was True Grit (if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it), and it’s odd to see the difference in the characters she plays.

I also got some real, genuine 3M electrode pads to use with my little EKG Arduino module. The ones that came with the module felt like slices of processed cheese, and they stuck about as well as a slice of cheese, too. I put those 3M suckers on a couple of hours ago and I tell you – I am REALLY not looking forward to taking them off. The signal I get from them is much more reliable and strong than the original pads, so I guess losing some chest hair (and possibly skin) is the price I must pay.

J and I watched another episode of Stranger Things this evening, and it tied up most of the loose ends but not all, and it set up some more paths that the show can take. I am surprised by how well it’s written and how good the cast is (although it’s weird seeing Winona Ryder play a crazy mom), but there seems to be some inconsistencies with the monster’s abilities/powers/etc. Still, a great show!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr W. J is going to be stuck at work but her aunt is willing to take me to the appointment. She’s so nice – it’s a fair drive from home to Dr W’s office, and I really appreciate all of her time and help.

Stay safe.

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