Slept poorly, had a panic attack at about 11:30PM, I talked with my nurse but couldn’t calm down until after she gave me something for the panic. Finally got to sleep close to 1AM, then had lots of nightmares again.
I don’t feel like I’m making much progress.
Morning nurse is V. She’s good.
Breakfast was Special K, bacon, potato, and apple slices.
Quite tired today.
Lunch was corned beef sandwiches, fruit, and chicken noodle soup.
Afternoon group was good, we made motivational posters for the ward.
Made the mistake of asking someone how their little cigarette roller machine worked. The answer I got was really rude and upsetting.
Supper was chicken thigh, rice pilaf, and a Nutri-Grain bar.
J and Mom are coming over at 6PM. We’re going to walk over to the Walmart and do some shopping. I need some shoes and I really want to buy the ward some more colouring books and markers since what Nurse J loaned me is in rough shape but really appreciated.
It is very difficult to write here. There are too many sounds and voices (some distressed) that interrupt my thoughts.
Went out with Mom and J. We did a lot – went to Walmart. It was very difficult even with the PRNs that my nurse gave me. We finished at the store, then went to the waiting area just outside the ward to talk for a while. I was starting to feel very unsettled so I had to go back in early. I feel very guilty about that – everyone is being so supportive but I can’t even sit and talk with them for very long. I feel awful about it.
Nurse J is working tomorrow (I think). I plan to give her the colouring book back along with the extra stuff I bought. I hope the ward can get good use out of the markers, books, cards, and crib board.
I don’t know how I feel right now, other than bad. Antsy/sad/embarrassed/hopeless.
I’ll get to see Dad, Mom, and J tomorrow. It will be good to see them. I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold myself together if we go out.