Stuff Done But Feeling Down

I slept pretty well last night. No nightmares, and only a couple of bad dreams. When I woke up, I felt good but it wasn’t long until I could feel the dark clouds building. I had a couple of things I needed to do out in the world today so I did my best to talk the clouds away and went out to get things done.

Everything I did today went very well. I had to stop in at the clinic for some blood tests, and then it was off to Walmart to pick up some cheap t-shirts and some groceries. Everything was fine – the lineup at the clinic moved pretty slowly but Walmart was pretty empty (as far as Walmart goes, anyway) and they had everything I was looking for. Back at home, the tomato and bean plants were growing like crazy. Still, I could feel my mood darkening.

I was really starting to feel uncomfortable in my own skin and just wanted to either go back to bed or go downstairs and sit in the comfy chair while listening to music. I decided to go to bed. I set an alarm, plopped myself down in the bed, and stared at the wall, waiting to sleep.

Just as I was getting drowsy, the sound of very close lawn equipment got me out of bed and looking out the window. The lawn service had come by to dethatch and aerate the lawn. I talked to the workers for a couple of minutes and went back inside, waiting for them to finish so I could go back to bed.

Once they finished, though, I thought I would try to do something else than feel sorry for myself in bed. I went out to the garage, fought through 18 months of stuff piled up, and heaved my motorcycle out into the middle of the floor. After a bit of tinkering I got the battery installed, and after many seconds of popping and thupping and half-catching, it clattered, banged, and smoked to life.

I was happy to see that the bike started up after being left for so long. I did prep it before I put it away, but I’ve never let it sit for that long before. I checked all the lights and horn and brakes and everything there looked good. I noticed that the coolant in the reservoir was just above the “add” mark. I didn’t check it at all last year but I don’t think it was that low. Maybe some seeped through a seal somewhere. I hope it didn’t end up in the engine oil but I’m going to drain the oil sometime soon to make sure.

Unfortunately, listening to the bike run also made me feel a bit nervous. Sure, the bike had started, but how long will it be before I actually ride it again? Will I ever ride it again? What if I can’t?

This stuff bothered me a lot and after I went inside I could feel my mood getting lower and lower. I went to watch the shrimp go about their shrimpy day but one of them died this afternoon. I don’t know why, it just twitched for a while and that was it. That certainly didn’t help my mood.

J got home from work a little while later and that cheered me up somewhat but I’m still not feeling very well. Probably around a four and a half or five. Writing this post has been a huge effort.

I don’t know what caused things to change today. I hope that tomorrow I’ll wake up feeling better, but these things usually take a couple of days before I hit the upswing.

Stay Safe!

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