Song: “We’re Here for a Good Time” by Trooper
Well, I was supposed to get together with WG to go record shopping this morning but that ended up not happening. It was completely my fault, I had a bit of a rough night and ended up sleeping in. Normally I wake up with plenty of time to get ready, but I really should have set an alarm last night. I hope WG isn’t too upset – I left him a voicemail apologizing for my screw-up, but haven’t heard back. He’s usually really busy, though.
I remember waking up to three nightmares last night. I used to get out of bed for every one and walk around inside the house a bit but I haven’t done that for a while. I think it might be a good idea to start doing that again just to convince myself that everything is okay.
I did a lot of writing and thinking today. It felt good to open the doors to my brain and let some fresh air in. One of the things I’ve been working on is a letter to send to my young nephews. I figure that in the age of smartphones and texting that it might be nice for them to get a good, old-fashioned paper letter.
Work is still on my mind. J and I talk about it a lot, Dr W and I talk about it a lot, and Dr C and I talked about it a lot, but I still can’t get past it. I feel terrible for leaving my co-workers in a tough spot, but at the same time I desperately hope I don’t get called back to the same position I held before. I can’t do it.
I’m also still worried about what’s going to happen with the healthcare changes that are going on around here. I’ve been very fortunate to have met and been cared for by such great people – nurses, doctors, aides, therapists, clerks, everybody – and it frightens me that things may change without much notice. In addition to me being worried about myself in the system, I worry about the staff, too. Will any of them have to find a new job? What happens if suddenly they need to work at a different hospital? I know they’re all grown-ups who can take care of themselves but I can’t help worrying.