Someone Loves Their Chainsaw

Song: N/A

Mood: 5.5

Nightmares: 0

Today was another kind of rough day. I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all, and no matter what I tried I couldn’t get back to sleep. I stayed in bed far too long and got frustrated with things before I finally got up and started my day.

I had breakfast, then went downstairs to do my exercises. I kept losing focus because I was so tired so they didn’t go very well. After I was done them, I had a pretty lively debate with myself about whether I should go out and do my homework or whether I could take a day off. The weather suggested that I stay inside – the morning started with clear skies and some sun but it quickly turned cold and damp and drizzly again. I ended up deciding to go out for a few reasons: I would be disappointed in myself if I didn’t, J would be disappointed in me if I didn’t, I wanted to look at the cable the crew strung along the fence yesterday, and WHAT ON EARTH HAS SOMEONE BEEN CHAINSAWING FOR THE LAST TWO HOURS?

So, I put on pants (sigh) and went outside for my walk and truck time. It wasn’t actively raining while I was outside but the tiny little drops were just hanging in the air. Like a day that’s so humid you can see it. I made my way around the block and then checked the cable in the back yard. No writing on it that I could find, and it’s either made up of two cables (one thicker than the other) or it’s a single cable with something structural to keep it from sagging, or maybe hold it to things like a piece of nylon line.

Unfortunately, I did not find out who was running their chainsaw or what they were cutting up. Perhaps they were teaching themselves how to juggle, or maybe their kid was doing a horror movie for class and needed two and a half hours of chainsaw noises. Maybe they just got it and they were following some esoteric motor break-in procedure. Maybe they started it up, forgot they had pasta boiling, and left it running while they made tortellini or something. I don’t know.

After that, I went into the garage and sat in the truck with the express purpose of waiting until I hit the peak of my anxiety in that situation. It took a little over an hour, but I played music through the truck speakers today which was much more immersive than listening to it from my phone’s little speaker. I worked on my mindfulness and grounding and did breathing and muscle relaxation exercises to try to relax and keep the anxiety as low as I could. And I tried very hard not to feel silly about what I was doing.

Had a couple of text conversations today. One of J’s aunts has been wanting to get a cat since her dog passed away, and she finally did on… Thursday? I think it was Thursday. She actually got a cat that’s affectionate and pretty normal, which I think is great because she always feels sorry for the animals that not a lot of people would want. You know, the 22 year old cats with no ears or the dogs with three wooden legs and a ton of slivers? She has saved and given a great home and care to plenty of sick, odd, or downright evil animals, so I’m happy that she got one that doesn’t do anything really weird and actually hangs around her and purrs. Anyway, I heard today that her first weekend with her new friend went quite well, so that’s great!

J and I watched Hotel Transylvania 2 this evening. The first one was not too shabby. The second one? Let me just say it didn’t deliver and leave it at that.

I also got a text from FA today and it looks like she’s going to be coming over tomorrow for lunch and some games. It will be great to hang out with her again – she always has interesting stories!

Stay safe.

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