Song: “Perform This Way” by ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
Mood: 7
Nightmares: 2
I woke up a couple of times last night and got out of bed once to check that the garage door was closed. Other than that, it was a pretty good night.
Today has gone reasonably well. I slept a little longer than usual, and when I finally did get up, I felt more groggy than I usually do. By noon my head was finally clear.
I spent quite a bit of time today working on ERP for the downstairs freezer. I was able to open and close the lid and then not check it for hours. I went out of my way to keep my mind occupied so I think that helped a lot. It’s disheartening that I have to go through this stuff again but the good news is that this time it seems to be much easier to do. I remember when Dr C first taught me about ERP. Back then, I could only hang on for about 20 minutes before I had to check the freezer lid.
I think I’m going to work on the freezer lid again tomorrow and maybe start in on the garage door. It’s been causing me a lot of grief this last little while, and I’m getting tired of repeatedly turning on the back yard light and peeking at the door through the kitchen curtains.
I listened to a lot of music again today, and spent some time writing. I also did a load of laundry (which I’m quite behind on) and tidied up the kitchen a bit.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get away from thinking about work again today. I have no idea how things are going to work out, and that’s bothering me. There are so many variables, like how I’m doing, what am I able to do, what kinds of jobs are available to me, where I’ll be working… all kinds of stuff. I know that work should be the last thing on my mind nowadays, but I can’t help it. I did some grounding and mindfulness work to try and bring myself back to the here and now, and it helped for a while.
I have my first appointment of the year with Dr P tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to talking to him about the work and OCD issues. I wonder if he has an idea of how I can work on my anxiety around answering the phone.
J and I watched another Columbo this evening. The murderer was unlikable from nearly the beginning of the episode. Usually, the murderer is the nicest person in the world at the beginning of the episode, and goes out of their way to “help” Columbo with the mystery. As Columbo closes in, though, the murderer goes from amiable to cocky and bragging that there’s no proof. They usually just stand there with their mouths hanging open when the proof is presented. J and I like watching for the tilting point where the murderer goes from pleasant to angry and unpleasant. It’s a good show.
Stay safe.