So… 2021

Song: N/A

Mood: 7

Nightmares: 0

Ghosts: Several

Here we are. A week into 2021. I hope the holiday season went well for you and your family and friends.

I don’t like talking about politics in this blog, but I’ll be honest – I’m still gobsmacked by the news and video that came out of the US yesterday. That’s not the kind of stuff one expects from the “leader of the free world”. It doesn’t matter who or which party did what and when. What happened yesterday was awful and those responsible for it should be prosecuted.

Yesterday’s events reminded me that I need to step back from the news. I got to bed a little after 3AM because I was glued to my computer screen, watching the (extremely boring) feed of the Electoral College certification. Why? Because part of me was still feeling ill from what had happened earlier in the day, part of me needed to see it officially finished, and part of me was certain that something else was going to happen. The later it got, the worse I felt (which is what happens when I stay up too late), and I didn’t do myself any favours by staring at the screen for hours after J went to bed.

So… I will be taking some steps to back away from some aspects of the news and embrace the little bubble I enjoy at home.

But I have to be careful about how much I do that, too. I went to the clinic the other day for an appointment and then picked up some groceries on the way home and even though it was very quiet out, I was quite uneasy driving and bring out – particularly in the store. Nothing bad at all happened. Things were just more difficult than they were a while ago. That’s got me a little worried that with all these video and phone appointments and not being able to go anywhere, I’m slipping a bit. That would be a real letdown too, because before all of the lockdowns started happening, I had big plans to go visit friends and family. Now I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do it when things start opening up again (whenever that may be).

I’m still doing my best to keep my mind and hands occupied during the day. I still have a bunch of projects on the go, and I’m actually getting some done, too. J and I are playing computer games and watching shows together, which is fun and a good distraction from other things. I’m expecting to get a letter shortly that will give me a surgery date; once the surgery is done and healed up, I will be able to get outside and enjoy moving around quite a bit more.

I’ve made a lot of progress with the whole coffee thing. J’s been a huge help with that, and while I still need to wait for it to cool down a bit before I can drink it, it doesn’t make me want to gag anymore. And I’m only adding two of those Sugar Twin packets to it. No milk and none of those fancy flavoured creamers. I’ve done some more observing and while I thought for a bit that it helped get me going in the morning, I’m pretty sure that’s not the case. No matter.

Tomorrow, FA is swinging by for a quick visit and to exchange baggies of electronic parts. We’re both working on things and are at the point where she has parts I need and I have some she needs. Don’t worry – no reason to call the COVID cops on us – we’re going to stay outside and a good distance apart.

This time of year can be difficult for people even when things are quiet and there aren’t restrictions placed on where we can go. Please remember that if you’re having a difficult time that there are people out there who want to help you and want you to feel better. Don’t be afraid to visit or contact a hospital or crisis line if you need to, and if you’re asking yourself whether you need to, then you probably should.

If you are in Canada, you can call or visit:

– Your local hospital

– Canadian Suicide Prevention Service at 1-833-456-4566

– Kid’s Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868

If you are in the United States, you can call or visit:

– Your local hospital

– National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255

If you live in another region, visit your local hospital. You may also find help at the International Association for Suicide Prevention Crisis Centre List at

There may also be other helpful information and links on the Resources page.

You are not alone. You deserve to feel better, you are worth it, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

Stay safe.

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