I didn’t sleep quite as well last night but it was still better than it was for a while there. I am appreciating the nightmare-free nights.
My exercises went poorly because I couldn’t keep my mind from wandering and guilting me about one thing after another. Some people look around and say, “hey, shiny!” and get distracted. I just sit there and a thought floats by:
“How could you stand there and do nothing when the cool kids forced poor Ivan into the girls’ change room without any clothes when you were at a class pool party in Grade 7?”
“Why did you let one person push you out of that sporting association? A bunch of other people were counting on you.”
“Do you know how many hours of Dr W’s and Dr P’s time you’ve taken up? There’s a documented shortage of psych professionals around here and you’re using more than your share of the time.”
“Why were you so stupid when you were a kid and pulled Dad down the steps of the church, re-breaking his ankle?”
“You hit Chris in the eyeball with a snowball – why did you run away and never checked to see if he was okay?”
“You took up so much of the nurses’ time. They had other patients that were in worse shape than you but you couldn’t keep yourself together and had to keep taking their time, even when they were near the end of their shift and obviously really tired.”
“You bought that other motorcycle, then sold it a year later. Why did you waste money like that?”
“You really let your parents down when you dropped out of university. You would’ve been the first in the family to get a degree and they were counting on you.”
“You broke FA’s cheese knife right after she got it.”
“What about all the people from work you deserted? Things were terrible enough and don’t seem to have gotten any better – what about the people who had to take up your slack because you couldn’t do it?”
“How many times did you upset Mom and Dad by bringing home report cards with crappy grades? They supported you 150% – why did you keep letting them down?”
“Think of how many trips J wants to take and how many things she wants to see and do but you keep holding her back.”
“Why did you lose your cool and make a fool out of yourself that day when WG just wanted to go replace some batteries?”
“You told Dr C – someone who was there to help you – that when you first met her you didn’t really believe in her profession.”
“You didn’t go to Dawn’s retirement celebration.”
“Your sister was so excited to get the Sweet Valley High board game but you never took the time to play it with her.”
“Why don’t you keep in better touch with the people you care about?”
“You had time to clear the air with Romy before he died in that accident. Why didn’t you do anything?”
“You continue to burden your family and friends with this ridiculous, irrational behaviour that you need to work harder to get a handle on.”
“J has to get up extra early and change her work schedule around because you can’t take yourself to your appointments, not even the close ones.”
“Mom is dealing with an awful lot of stuff right now with her brothers being sick, she shouldn’t have to also deal with your crap.”
“You betrayed your hair stylist by J cutting your hair just because you couldn’t leave the house for 25 minutes.”
I did the stove exposure twice, and worked on my forms. Ran out of space on the one where I list what I’ve checked throughout the day, might have to continue on the back.
Tried to work on the quadcopter but couldn’t focus enough to guarantee I wasn’t going to do something dumb with it.
Did some laundry.
J and I watched some more Boston Legal.