I feel quite a bit better. Still not good, but better than yesterday. I didn’t get together with WG or FA, which kind of sucks but I really needed today to rest. Compounding the problem of my cold/flu/whatever is the fact that I haven’t slept all that well since last Wednesday when Dr W and I agreed to lower my zopiclone. I’ve been getting to sleep okay but I’ve been waking up at about 3AM and, despite still being tired, haven’t been able to get back to sleep. It’s frustrating seeing the clock show 3:30, then 4:10, then 4:28, then 5:06…
I ended up calling Dr W’s office today to see if I could go back to the full dose and he said it was no problem. I’m looking forward to seeing if it makes a difference tonight. If putting the dose back to where it was lets me sleep, what does that mean for me being able to stop using it in the future? I’ll need to talk to Dr W about it but I really hope that it doesn’t mean I’m hooked or something like that. With luck this is just a little blip and it’ll work out quickly. On the other hand, what if putting it back doesn’t help? I guess I’ll find out tonight.
Other than feeling sick and tired, today was a pretty good day. I tried to do my exercises but flaked out after ten minutes on the treadmill, all sweaty and coughing. I listened to a couple of old Dixieland records and then tried to watch The Professional on the little Roku TV device. For some reason, instead of playing commercials, the movie would start all over again. I could skip forward, but as soon as it got to the next commercial break, it would go right back to the beginning. I ended up getting tired of it (literally) and fell asleep on the couch.
The nap did me good and I got some things done around the house, played Mass Effect, and put up a couple of posts. I’m still really surprised to see that mental health was mentioned in the game and the way it was worded. I think little things like that help to make more people aware of mental illness and reduce the stigma of it. Once everybody understands that it can affect anyone at any time, it’ll hopefully be seen not as a weakness but as the illness it really is.
J mailed off my thank-you letter this morning (if you read this, thanks again!) and I started on the next one this afternoon. I find it very difficult to concentrate for long enough to write something appreciative, coherent, and not rambling. I’m sure part of the problem is how grateful I am to the people I’m writing to or about, and how much I want to just write “THANK YOU” all over the paper.
I gave myself a headache this afternoon. I was thinking about work again, wondering how and why everything happened the way it did and how on Earth I was going to get back to being a productive member of society. That led to me clenching my jaw, which led to a sore neck, which led to the headache. I really need to figure out a way of thinking about work without making myself miserable. I should probably ask Dr C about that.
I’ve done a little more cleaning up in my office and I have to say that I find it really comfortable now. I can sit and work on little things or do posts like this or I can just close my eyes, relax, and meditate. The bubbling of the water from the aquarium helps a lot, too. I should probably add that to my list of grounding techniques.
I’m in the mood to make some bread. I’ll wait until I’m plague-free but that’s something I think I’m going to do soon. It’s relaxing and rewarding at the same time. Plus, homemade bread is tasty.