Out For A While

Song: N/A

Mood: 6.5

Nightmares: 0

Ghosts: Horde

The weekend was kind of a blur. I don’t remember where the time went but I did get in a lot of thinking and working on things, so that’s good. I slept pretty well last night – no nightmares and I remember waking up three times worrying about the garage door, but I didn’t have to get out of bed for any of them.

This morning was alright. I got up, had some cereal and fried up a couple of eggs (I messed up my flip and mangled them pretty badly), and went about my usual morning routine. Things were a little more hectic this morning, though, because I had to get ready for a Dr C appointment at 1PM.

I scrambled around the house a bit and then found that I was over-thinking things and I had more time than I thought. I feel kind of bad now for sending out a tiny generic text to everyone this morning, I usually like to write them all one at a time.

Anyway, when I figured out I still had a couple of hours before I even needed to start getting ready, I looked at the disaster of datasheets and screws and breadboards and batteries and a statistics book (seriously), and decided I was going to do something else. I put on some pants (I know I said I was going to wear shorts until October but it was only +2C and when I go outside I don’t want to start out uncomfortable if I can help it), grabbed my keys, and headed out to the garage.

I think I’m pretty comfortable saying that the coolant leak in the truck has been fixed. I looked around at the various engine juices and things, then disconnected the battery tender, closed the hood, got in the truck, and went for a drive.

I did my usual little round of the neigbourhood, driving around the various bays and crescents in the area (everyone seems to be putting stones in the flowerbeds this year) and taking it pretty easy. I had my music on, the truck started and ran just fine, and I wasn’t cold because I was wearing pants. I saw one postal worker out delivering mail, but aside from him there were no other pedestrians. A few other cars, but when I can see them and know they’re there, things aren’t too bad.

After a while, I argued with myself for a while and then decided to turn onto one of the busier streets around home. Traffic was light and there were a few people waiting at bus stops or walking down the street (one guy standing at a bus stop had his thumbs stuck in his eyes for some reason), and after a minute or two I felt better about what I was doing and drove a little farther… and a little farther. I either had a better morning than usual or I’m getting better about not freaking out about stuff at the house when I’m away for a couple of minutes, because while all the usual stuff kept popping into my head, I was able to keep from dropping everything and getting home ASAP.

I kept driving until I’d almost made it to where I used to work (I wasn’t going there on purpose, it just happened to be along the road I was on). Things were going well enough that I was considering driving myself to my Dr C appointment this afternoon, but between thinking about that and thinking about work, things started to break down. I turned around in a coffee shop parking lot and headed back home. By the time I got back, I’d been out driving for about half an hour.

It was VERY good to be back home, and I felt that odd mix of being pleased and embarrassed with myself at the same time. Pleased because I haven’t driven that long or that far for quite some time, and embarrassed because there was a time when I could hop in the car and do a two or three hour drive without hesitation. Those days are gone, though. I don’t doubt that sometime (hopefully soon) I’ll be able to take J to an appointment for once, or drive to FA’s place with burritos, or even go out of town to see my parents, but I don’t think things will ever be the same as they were. Maybe that’s a good thing.

I still had some time after I got home before I had to get ready for my appointment, so I puttered around with some electronics stuff. I think I am happy with my little water detector, so as soon as I get some printed circuit prototype boards, I’m going to build it and toss it under the dishwasher, maybe sprinkle some water on it once in a while. A couple of people I’ve mentioned it to have expressed interest in it, so I may have the opportunity to make a couple more and have them go to good use. Since it was still blinking and doing its thing, I brought it and a handful of other stuff downstairs and made my giant messy pile on the dining room table a little smaller.

DA texted me over the weekend and asked me if I would be interested in helping him further secure his cabin. I told him I was interested and could probably help him out but haven’t heard back yet. Still, it’s another thing for me to think about. We used to hang out on our work breaks and sketch out ideas on a whiteboard and hammer out details. Things are a lot slower when doing them through text or email.

I made sure I had some extra time today before the taxi showed up to take me to my appointment, so I left the house with nary a drop of sweat on my brow. My appointment was difficult today, though, so by the time it was over, I was pretty gross. I wonder if she wipes down the chair with ammonia or something after I leave. Dr C and I have been working on the relationship between what’s realistically likely to happen in a given situation, and the fears or assumptions I have that prevent me from being able to do things comfortably or not at all. We are also going to start working on my memory and how I can be more comfortable with trusting it again. It feels like there is progress going on but I really wish she could just hypnotize me or something and reprogram me so that I have a normal amount of risk aversion and see things like how most other people do.

After I got home, my afternoon didn’t go all that well. Someone whom I suspect has a tiny wiener repeatedly driving their man-truck around the neighbourhood, an odd low booming sound coming from somewhere outside, and swearing I kept hearing something in the basement, I spent far too much time chasing ghosts. My right hand is also especially tingly today, and picking up electronic parts and little tiny screws got very frustrating very quickly.

J got home at around 6PM. She’d stopped by a store to pick up a couple of groceries, and we ended up having banana split yogurts for supper. Take a yogurt, chop some banana (without the peels) into it, toss in some granola, and add a maraschino cherry, and you’re off to the races. It was very tasty, but now I need to somehow keep myself from raiding the fridge and eating the remaining cherries.

We talked for a while and then did our own things for a couple of hours before watching a Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It was a pretty great episode. Best exchanges:

Jake: “I even told them that Scully was a Make-A-Wish kid with a rare disease that makes him look like a giant old baby.”

Rosa: “Did you call it Scullyosis?”

Jake: “Dammit Rosa, that’s really good and completely useless to me now!”

And:

Amy: “Our union health plan has a 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.”

Scully: “Don’t need to fake it – always having at least one.”

Amy: “Great.”

I have no appointments tomorrow and J is taking an evening class so I won’t see her until around 8:30PM or so. I plan to do some cleaning up around the house, I want to work on some electronics stuff, I have some things I’d like to print up, and I will go for another walk. On Wednesday, FA may be coming over and then I have a Dr W appointment in the afternoon.

I have a few things left I’d like to get done before I head toward bed so I think I’ll end this post now.

Stay safe.

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