Last night didn’t go so well. For whatever reason, nightmares woke me up several times, one of which led to a panic attack and me cowering out in the living room with the lights on, trying to be as quiet as I could. For the last three years, I’ve been having the same three nightmares over and over again, and it’s getting really old. The worst part is, they still scare the crap out of me and leave me panting and disoriented like they always have. I wish that for once I’d dream I was lost in shadows and being stalked by some formless, terrifying monster. Or that I was in a store and had forgotten to put on pants. Or I was out in the truck and stuck in a ditch and a bear was coming. Something other than knowing that people died because I threw a wrench into things by not being able to do the things that were my responsibility.
The nightmares don’t change, don’t seem to evolve, and they come and go as they please, with no real pattern that I can find. Fortunately, they’re not happening as often as they used to, and one of the three (overturned boat) I very rarely get anymore. Maybe the other two will follow. That would be nice.
As a result of the poor sleep, it took me longer than usual to get going this morning. I had breakfast, checked in on some stuff, and went downstairs to look in on how the printer was doing. It was still churning away at the job I’d submitted the previous evening and still had a long way to go but it looked pretty good.
I started sending my daily round of texts. FA and DM are back home so I can text them again now, too, which is great.
After that, I started in on some sewing. There’s enough of the curtain material leftover to make three bags, which is good, but this fabric has patterns on it that don’t quite match up with right angles and stuff like that, and since I’m only good at sewing rectangles and squares right now, it took me quite a bit of figuring, eyeballing, calculating, and measuring to try and figure out how everything should go. It took a couple of hours and several rounds of stitch ripping, but I finally got it sewn up the way I wanted it to be. The other denim bags I’ve been using so far have all been about 18” wide by 18” tall, but I decided to use up as much of the curtain material as I could, so those bags will be about 18” wide by 21” tall. I like how the new ones look – they’re kind of quirky:
By early afternoon, my poor sleep was catching up with me. Between that and me dwelling on those nurses and staff I won’t see again, the ghosts were quite bad this afternoon. Interestingly, the “whee-whoo-whiip-whiip” sound of the printer running didn’t seem to bother me at all – it was the usual cracks, ticks, weird sounds that make me think there’s a bird in the house, hearing a vehicle drive by but not seeing it, seeing something moving out of the corner of my mind, making sure I didn’t forget to turn off or lock something… the usual. Like I’ve said before, though – sewing is an excellent hobby for these kinds of situations: I can leave the fabric and machine exactly where they are, turn off the machine, go check things out, come back x minutes/hours later, and pick right back up where I was. A very nice daytime hobby. Plus, I’m still enjoying sewing for the sake of sewing and learning, and the thought that I’m doing something that might make it into a needy person’s hands makes me feel good.
Tomorrow will be another busy day. That phrenology head should be done in the next hour or so, so I’ll head down to the basement early on to check on it. Boy, I hope it turns out. Then, if it looks good and I have any filament left, I’m going to print up some other stuff that’s waiting in line. Then, I plan to make those other two bags with the leftover fabric. If I have any more time after that, I think I’m going to bake some cookies and design some things I’d like to build.
PS: Please, please, please – no nightmares tonight, and no panic attacks either.
PPS: Too tired to proofread right now. Will try to remember to do it tomorrow