Not A Bad Week

Song: “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf

Mood: 7.5

Nightmares: 0

Ghosts: Pack

It’s Friday already! Once again I have no idea where the time went, but the week hasn’t been too bad at all.

On Wednesday afternoon, FA and DM stopped by for a quick visit out in the driveway (these are strange times) and we exchanged some stuff. I gave FA some project stuff and an old network drive we had that still works and should do the trick for them. FA brought a birdhouse she built from scratch – it’s nice and sturdy and will work very well. Despite a rather brisk breeze, J and I really enjoyed the chat, and it was very good to see the two of them again. I think that sometimes J and I like to think we make good hermits but we both miss not socializing with family and friends.

Earlier in the day on Wednesday, I had two telephone appointments: one with a dietitian and one with Dr W. The dietitian and I are working on getting me to recognize queues for when I’m hungry and when I’m full again. I haven’t felt hunger or fullness since before I ended up in the hospital, and it would be very helpful to be able to notice and use those sensations again.

The Dr W appointment went well, too. We didn’t make any medication changes because I would rather keep things the same right now and he agreed and said that it’s not a good idea to change medications when we’re under stress. And there’s a fair amount of that going around right now. He was mostly concerned about how I’m handling current events and how well I’m doing being cooped up in the house.

I’m fine with being cooped up in the house; it doesn’t bother me at all. I have more than enough things to keep me busy or entertained, and I’m more comfortable at home anyway. As for current events, I’ve dialed back my news intake again because I’ve felt on several occasions now the urge to wind myself into a knot over things. I’ve been able to see it coming and have been able to deal with it, but it’s starting to happen a little more often now so I’ll step back for a little while.

On Thursday, I had a video appointment with Dr C. It took a little while to get started, but I finally fumbled my way into the video chat and the appointment went well. She is also making sure that I’m taking care of myself and doing the things I need to do to keep from burying myself in worry and possible scenarios. We also talked about making sure that I still get out of the house instead of barricading myself inside and losing the tolerance that I built up for going out and doing things.

That brought up another question. How am I going to react when things go back to normal? Getting out of the house was going pretty well – I got out to visit my parents and in-laws, I got out and did that OCD study, I got out to visit DM and FA… and I was hoping to do a bunch of other stuff this year, too. Visit my parents and in-laws again, go over to FA’s place to geek out, go to DA’s cabin, get out on my motorcycle again… there are so many different things I want to try.

I feel guilty thinking about that – me putting around on my motorcycle or hanging out with DA at his cabin is really unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but dammit, I was looking forward to being able to do some of this stuff again. I know that it will still happen, but I had everything planned out and how it all goes in the garbage and I have to wait. I’m not always good at waiting.

Today, FA and I had a nice long chat on the phone. The call was originally supposed to be about one of the projects we’re working on and the network drive, but we ended up talking about all kinds of stuff – an almost two hour call! I enjoyed it a lot and appreciate her taking the time to just shoot the breeze too because I know work’s got her running hither and yon (metaphorically).

After the call, I went outside to hang up the bird feeder and play around with putting up the birdhouse that FA gave me on Wednesday. I know exactly where I’m going to put it, but both my drill batteries are dead so I’m just waiting for one of them to charge. J got me that drill as a gift quite a few years ago now and it’s built a LOT of stuff but I fear it’s nearing the end of the road. She picked great – it’s the best drill I’ve ever owned.

I’m not sure what’s going on this weekend yet. If it’s like today (it’s around +10C out!) I will probably spend some more time outside puttering around. Maybe sit outside and just enjoy the fresh air. Who knows.

Stay safe.

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