Song: N/A
Mood: 6
Nightmares: 3
Ghosts: Pack
Well, so much for the nightmares disappearing quickly – I’ve had them every night since Thursday. I don’t know what’s going on but I hope they go away soon. I’ve also noticed a bit of a comeback of my two friends who hate me, particularly in the morning and if I sit somewhere quiet and let my mind wander. Fortunately, I can crank up the music and force myself to keep busy, which helps a lot.
J suggested that I’ve been out a lot more and been busier lately than I have for a long time and maybe I’m just tired. That’s as good an idea as any, and I am feeling more wiped-out than usual. There’s also been a lot of work/disability/pension paperwork going on and that always seems to worry me a bit.
Dr C repeatedly encourages me to challenge myself and find a point between being too comfortable and wanting to curl up in a little ball in the dark, and I think I’ve been getting close to that point lately. The game and snack day with J’s aunt, Dad visiting and the two of us looking at house projects, hanging out with friends, going out to get the truck fixed, going to the hardware store and other places outside the bubble, all of it has kept me much more mentally and physically active. And yes, I’ve dipped into the PRNs a few times. I’ve also dashed around the house to check on things when guests are in the washroom. But it’s better than sitting there fidgeting and sweating while I’m stammering a reply to a simple question, like, “how are you doing?”
I am very fortunate to have friends and family who – despite probably reading all this stuff – don’t suddenly send me a text saying, “Sorry, can’t get together, I’m busy cooking pasta/washing my hair/filing my toenails.” It’s great to know that despite me not feeling my best and some things showing back up, they wouldn’t stand in a room with me, wide-eyed and slowly backing toward the door. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I’m blessed with an amazing support structure; standing right at the top of the support pyramid is J (thank you!!!).
Speaking of PRNs and sneaking around the house, I should probably do a whole post about flop sweat. Nothing like sitting comfortably, talking to family or a friend you’ve known for decades, while dabbing at your forehead with a handkerchief and feeling sweat running down your back. Not embarrassing at all, nosiree…
But enough about that stuff. I’ve also been keeping busy when I’m not hanging out with people or going places. FA sent me a tantalizing email the other day about an interesting project and I’ve been puttering around with that. I’ve also been spending a lot of time designing models to print. There are some larger ones that I have been reluctant to do because they take a lot of time and/or a lot of filament, but I’m finally saying to heck with it and getting them started. Right now, for example, I’m making a spool holder that covers up the filament I’m currently printing with and has dessicant inside to keep it nice and dry, which’ll beat the “hastily wrapped ziploc bag with some little dessicant packs in it” scheme I’ve been using so far. Once I get it all done, it’ll make it a lot easier to do stuff with, say, PETG, since it absorbs a lot of moisture from the air, and I can notice the degradation with my current ziploc scheme. At this point, three of the four parts are printed, and once they’re all done they’ll get a coat of polyurethane to seal them up and then they’ll be put to work.
I’m also working on a toothbrush holder for J’s aunt, jet tub plugs for my in-laws, lithophane frames for my nephews, and anything else that pops up and tickles my fancy. I’ve been really enjoying the possibilities that the printer presents. I’ve been getting better at the design side of things, too.
As for things going on this week, I have a Dr W appointment on Wednesday. This one will be a little different because J’s aunt (the same one I played cards with) has offered to give me a ride, which works out well because J has a meeting almost right after my appointment so this will give her time to take a few breaths and grab something to eat before the meeting. Plus, it will be an opportunity to have a chat with her aunt again. I have a Dr C appointment on Thursday, which J will be able to take me to (she has Thursday and Friday off), and at this point it looks like FA might be coming over on Friday afternoon for burritos, chatting, and brainstorming about that project she’s got going on. I also think my mother-in-law may make an appearance at some point, which would also be great!
But nothing planned for tomorrow. We’ll see what happens. But first, no nightmares tonight, please.
Stay safe.