Song: “Cow Patti” by Jim Stafford
I don’t know if I was worn out from nerves yesterday or if it was because I took a PRN a couple of hours before I went to bed, but I slept pretty well last night. No nightmares that I can remember, and I only woke up two, maybe three times – after which I was able to get back to sleep pretty easily. I hope that this wasn’t a fluke and I sleep well again tonight.
My appointment with Dr P (and the last couple of them, too) were really bothering me this morning. I felt very guilty about how things were going and really hoped that he wasn’t getting tired of my BS or that he was looking at firing me as his patient. I argued with myself all through breakfast, and when I was done eating, I decided to call him and apologize for how stuff is going and that I’m not always there during our sessions. It went to voicemail so I left a clumsy, rambling message that I hope got what I was trying to say across. I got an email from him late this afternoon saying he got the message and everything was fine, so that was a big relief. Of course, part of me is wondering if he was just saying that so my guard is down when we meet next week.
My exercises went pretty well today and I felt quite a bit more “right” after I was done, so they seem to have done the trick for me.
I went for my walk in the morning. It was chilly out but there wasn’t too much wind at the time so it wasn’t too bad. I put on my music and did two laps again. It’s good I went in the morning because the breeze picked up in the afternoon and it would’ve been even less fun than it was.
I did the oven exposure exercise twice today. Looking at the graphs that Dr P had me do over the past couple of weeks, it’s pretty easy to see that I’m making progress with the oven exposure – my anxiety is both peaking at a lower level (from 60 to 45) and dropping to half the peak value in less time (from 180 minutes to 110 minutes).
I also worked on the new sheets. Dr P sent me a file with the sheets in it so I printed up what I think will work out to a week’s worth.
I spent more time in my/Lloyd’s room today and made a lot of progress. The garbage bag is half full, the shredding bag has a lot more in it, a bunch more stuff went into recycling, and many other things have been moved back to their proper places. I went against my nature and put several electronic devices that still work onto the “time to get rid of this” pile. One of the items is an LCD photo frame, while another is a Galaxy S4 that’s in mint condition (if anyone reading this wants either item, drop me a note). The result of all my efforts so far is this:
A freshly cleaned and sanitized desk surface that I can now do some microbiology stuff on! That’s Lloyd’s house in the corner if you’re curious.
The other desk isn’t quite as tidy yet but I’m almost there. I spent… I don’t know, maybe three hours working on it? Could be more, could be less. I also found a couple of old hard drives that I need to destroy and some bags and tools that need to go into the basement.
I also made the effort to text people again today and try to have conversations with people. Pretty much everyone I texted replied and I had several pleasant conversations. Texting is nice because I can reply when I want – it doesn’t feel like I’m being put on the spot or have to answer immediately when I get a text.
I spoke with my parents today and they were having a good day, although they’re getting pretty tired of the cold weather. Mom had an update about my uncle – he’s not on the same level of medication that he was the day after surgery, so he’s getting a little cranky. He’s always been an independent person, and today the nurses got mad at him because he somehow got himself out of bed so he could shave. I think it’s probably a good sign that the nurses are telling him to slow down instead of having trouble getting him to do anything.
J and I both like The Blacklist but we were looking for something a little lighter. What was bothering me most about it is that the “good guys” in Blacklist are doing some of the same kinds of things that modern day real world police and other authorities are doing, a lot of which I find very distressing. We stuck with the James Spader theme, though, and started watching Boston Legal. The show went through a lot of cast changes over the years, but I think the first season (and maybe the second) were really good.
My mother-in-law is coming over tomorrow afternoon and will be staying here overnight before hitting the road for home in the morning. I am looking forward to seeing her and hearing about all the gossip. I’m not sure what J and I will be doing tomorrow before she arrives, but it will probably involve a bit of tidying up.
Have a good weekend, everybody.