Song: “Get Over You” by The Undertones
Sorry, my pills are kicking the heck out of me this evening so I can’t focus my eyes properly. Going to be a short post, I think.
Another less than stellar sleep last night. I can remember waking up at least five times, worrying about things that were either all okay or things that I had absolutely no control over. It gets frustrating.
My walk went pretty well. Almost lost my hat because of the wind a few times. I went out early, so I missed the heat that came later in the day.
My exercises went pretty well today. The mindfulness went much better than I’d hoped, and the time I spent meditating (with the biofeedback headband) and worrying went well, too.
I sent out my batch of daily texts and then sat down to do more thinking about the stuff I’ve learned at my sessions over the past two weeks. It still boggles my mind that most people don’t worry about (or even think about) the stuff that I can’t ignore. I’m also thinking very hard about the prospect of moving ahead with the ACT and learning to accept that the audience in my head and all of the worries and catastrophising will be with me for the rest of my life. That is not appealing – actually, it’s a pretty frightening scenario.
My folks called today. I spoke to my mom first and had a good chat with her before she handed the phone to Dad, who is having some trouble with his well pump. Of course there are no numbers on the pump that match up with anything on the company’s website. I found an old product list, though, and from the pictures Dad sent, I think I figured out what it was. Then I had to do some more sleuthing to find out where the company was located (or whether it even existed anymore). Finally, after a bunch of searching and calling a company, I had found a part list and contact information for the pump. Mom texted me a little later on and said Dad was going at the pump with great gusto, so hopefully he finds the problem and gets it running well again!
I listened to a lot of records today. I cleared off the comfy chair in front of the record player, cranked the amplifier up, sat back with my writing stuff, and let the music wash over me as I thought furiously about the last two weeks. My emotions about this stuff run the gamut, from acceptance, to anger, to disbelief, disenchantment, betrayal, hopelessness, fear, jealousy… all sort of stuff.
I don’t know what I’m going to to. I think I’m going to be working on this stuff again tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me that I figure out what the heck I need to do.