Keeping Busy Again

Song: “Skyliner” by Charlie Barnet

Mood: 6

Nightmares: 0

Ghosts: Horde

So the last two weeks haven’t been all that great. I don’t know what caused it or what changed or whatever, but I’m feeling a fair bit better. For a while there I couldn’t muster enough confidence or motivation to do much of anything and it knowing that I was spending most of my time on the couch (upstairs, not downstairs) made me feel even worse. But – again, for whatever reason, things seem to be looking up over the last few days.

As a result, I’ve been getting back to puttering around the house and actually accomplishing some things. The great thing about that is that accomplishing something makes me feel good, which helps me stay off my butt and accomplish something else, and so on.

Today I had an appointment with Dr C – my first in a couple of weeks. J’s aunt was kind enough to drive me to and from the appointment, which I really, really appreciate. It was so much easier to ride with her than catch a cab. The taxi usually shows up early and I’ve asked and been told a couple of times now that if they arrive and I pick up the automated call, they will wait about five minutes before cancelling the call and heading out to the next one. If I don’t pick up the automated call, they will wait two minutes before leaving. J’s aunt, however, told me not to worry and she wasn’t going to take off without me. That was really great, and the conversation was good. I also gave her a little dinosaur figure I’d printed up the night before and she really liked it. She’s a really nice lady.

Anyway, the appointment… since I wanted to try and hold a conversation with J’s aunt and pay more attention during my session, I took some PRNs before I headed out. Between that and not needing to worry whether the car had left made it a lot easier for me when I got to my appointment, so it went not too badly. We’re still working on the exposure aspect but the main theme of this session was the cost versus benefit of the things that I do when I’m chasing ghosts or agonizing about things when I’m away from the house. Here’s the thing, though – I completely understand and agree with the idea that me sitting on the basement floor for half an hour, waiting for the hot water tank to go through an entire heating cycle, is ridiculous. I get that, I really do. What I get stuck on, though, is how could I forgive myself or live with myself if I missed or intentionally skipped something and something horrible happened?

The garage door is visible through one of the kitchen windows, and almost every time I’m in the kitchen, I’ll take a quick peek. It literally (and I’m using “literally” properly here) takes two seconds, so why wouldn’t I look? It’s pretty much zero time investment and the resulting awareness I think is worth it. At what point is the line supposed to be drawn, though? If two seconds is okay, is 30? What about two minutes? Half an hour? Or is two seconds even too much?

I’m wandering a bit here, sorry. Long story short, the appointment went better than usual, most likely due to the PRNs and the fact that a friendly and happy person gave me a ride with no questions asked.

I’ve been printing up a storm lately, too. I’ve made the aforementioned dinosaur, some other dinosaurs (for my nephews), some lithophanes (for my nephews), a toilet paper stand (for my parents), some art stencils (for J), some silicone sealant caps (for me), and a whole bunch of other stuff. I’m very pleased with the printer and have been enjoying learning how to design things and seeing how they turn out.

I’m doing more sewing, too. I finished off the last of the batch that I got from J’s aunt, and started in on my last big length of towel material. I think when this five yards is done and turned into towels, I’m going to have enough to be worthwhile to donate.

I’ve also been taking advantage of the Netflix services and have watched several movies and shows both by myself and with J. I’ll do a little writeup soon listing the gems (and turds) that I’ve found.

I have an enormous amount more that I want to write this evening but it’s getting quite late and it’s only Monday. Take care everyone and I will do my best to get back to writing more regularly like I used to.

Stay safe.

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