I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday, there was a lot of stuff going on. Most notably, I’m at home on a two-day pass! Yes, it’s true – I got to sleep in my own bed, eat supper and hang out with J, watch some TV, do some laundry, mow the lawn, and listen to some records!
The pass has been great so far. Two days ago, I suggested to Dr W that I was feeling well enough to get out of the hospital but he recommended trying a pass first. The last time I was in the hospital, he suggested the same thing and he was right – I wasn’t ready to be at home by myself. This time feels different, though. I think I might be okay.
It was so nice to just be able to hang out and chat with J. We had pizza for supper and spent a lot of time catching up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I’m a very lucky guy. J is a fantastic person and a wonderful wife. I don’t know anyone who got more visits from family than I did during all of my hospital stays. She just shrugs it off, saying that it’s something she wants to do, but it really makes a huge difference in how I feel and how my recovery is going.
I didn’t sleep really well last night but it’s just because when I closed my eyes I would see my hospital room and when I opened them it would take a second to remember where I was. That will go away soon enough. When I slept, I think I slept pretty hard. My back was sore when I woke up – that’s usually a sign that I slept in one position for too long.
So far today I’ve listened to some more records, done some exercises, and given a lot of thought about who I want to be and what I want (and need) to do. I’m still finding it really difficult to come up with answers about that sort of stuff. It’s frustrating – I want to be able to help people, but at the same time I’m afraid that I will screw up and end up hurting someone. I can’t do IM/IT stuff anymore but I have no training in anything else. Many of the trades interest me, but I don’t know many companies that would hire a 40+ year old apprentice when there are tons of people half my age who are looking for the same jobs. I want to work, but I’m still not at a point where I can volunteer somewhere once a week, nevermind working full time. It’s a bit of a conundrum.
I’m really hoping that things will continue to go well on this pass and I’ll be discharged from the hospital on Thursday. Fingers crossed!