It took me a long time to get to sleep last night. I would force myself to relax, then notice a couple of minutes later that I was tensed up again. Eventually I got to sleep but woke up a couple of times from nightmares, which was unpleasant and took a while to get back to sleep from. One positive, though, was that I woke up when J went to work and looked at the time, then looked at the time again and it was two and a half hours later. I guess I fell back asleep, which I haven’t been able to do for a while.
I had trouble concentrating on my exercises again today, but I think it’s still getting better. That’s good because they’re an important part of my routine and when I don’t do them or they don’t go well, I don’t feel right for the rest of the day.
I had time this morning before my Dr P appointment to do the stove exposure again. I spent time in the basement so I couldn’t hear the clicking of the element and it went about as well as it has gone lately.
My Dr P appointment was kind of rough. I’ve been finding it hard to elucidate what I’m thinking and feeling, and it can get pretty frustrating. Dr P is very patient, though, so that’s good. He also went out of his way to get in touch with two colleagues who are OCD experts and got some information from them, which I really appreciate. He provided a couple of good examples today that showed how irrational some of my worries and checking are, and they made a lot of sense. The thing is, I know that some of my thoughts are irrational, but I can’t reason or statistic or logic my way out of it.
J dropped me off at home and went back to work. Feeling pretty wound up, I went downstairs and did some grounding and mindfulness to calm down. I went back upstairs and listened to some music and sent a couple of texts, then gave my parents a call. My uncle is still in the hospital with an infection that’s complicated by his diabetes and they’re waiting to see if they can knock the infection back or if they’ll have to do more surgery. I feel bad for my mom – three of her brothers have had big medical things going on over the last year or so and she’s dealing with a lot of stuff. I feel very guilty that I’m one of the things she’s worrying about.
A parcel arrived today. In it was Carcassonne. I’m looking forward to playing it with J.
J and I have watched all of the Marvel movies so far (the ones that are out on disc) and Thor: Ragnarok should be here on Monday. We may have to watch one or two movies to remind us where all of the characters were at before we see it, though.
Speaking of reminding us of stuff, J and I (re)watched the first episode of the fifth season of Elementary. Good news – I remember watching it this time. Still not sure what happened the other day.
J and I have a list of things to do this weekend but no concrete plans yet. I think she’s going out to her aunt’s place tomorrow afternoon for a little while but beyond that I’m not sure what’s going on. Maybe I’ll be able to knock another thing off the list of stuff that’s been bothering me.