Song: “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster The People
The weekend blew by. J and I got a lot of stuff done around the house but were still able to find some time to relax and shoot the breeze for a while.
We had a great time with FA and DM on Saturday evening, and they stayed late because we were talking and laughing about all kinds of stuff. It’s really good to have friends that you enjoy hanging out with so much that you don’t even notice the time going by. I hope we get to see them again sometime soon!
I’ve been dragging quite a bit since I had that little clump of nightmares last week. That tired me out quite a bit, and I’ve been waking up anywhere between three to five times a night because I’m worried about one thing or another. I find it usually takes about 15 minutes to get back to sleep, so waking up four times like that means I lose an hour of sleep over the whole night. Then, I can’t get back to sleep in the morning once the sun is up.
With that in mind, I spent a couple of hours on the chesterfield in the basement listening to good music and thinking that if I dozed off for a bit that would be okay. I don’t think it worked, though – I may have dozed off once or twice, but the start of the next song would startle me awake. I don’t like taking naps. Let me clarify that – I love naps but really don’t like how they mix up my sleep patterns.
My exercises didn’t go well again today. Lots of little sounds and a bit of a breeze outside so I had to calm myself down and reset what I was supposed to be concentrating on.
If there’s a weird sound that catches my attention, I need to figure out what it is before I’ll be comfortable again. When J is around, she makes it a lot easier. I assume that a banging I hear outside is someone trying to get into the garage or car or something like that, and I’ll spend the next five to fifteen minutes trying to figure out where the sound is coming from and whether things are okay. When J is here, her thoughts about what the sound is lean away from the bad news and she identifies things like someone dribbling a basketball or somebody rolling their garbage can out to the curb. Things are so much easier when J is around.
I can’t believe that tomorrow is Monday. I need to figure out whether I’m going to change exposure targets. The toaster isn’t going very well, mainly because it’s right out in the middle of the kitchen and I can’t keep myself from not looking at it when I’m walking past it. I’ll figure something out.
I have a GP appointment with Dr H on Tuesday, and I expect it will be a long one. I don’t want to go, but of all the appointments that I have, Dr H is the closest one to home. She is also the only one that doesn’t grill me about what’s going on in my head – she just checks to make sure I’m not thinking of doing anything awful. J has the day off and will drive me (thank you!!!!!) so that will help too. I also called ahead and checked if I could take some lorazepam before I went and they called back and said it was okay. We’re going to be following up on some tests that I did during and after my last appointment and I’m getting some moles removed. Dr H is the best GP I’ve ever had; that being the case, she’s probably already got plans to move to a different city or retire early or something.
I may also ask her about my stomach – it’s still bugging me a bit. Not nearly as bad as it was, but it’s been a week. We’ll see.
Other than Tuesday, I don’t have any appointments this week (hooray!). I think I might change my walk route a bit again to see if I can get to the mini-mall down the street. If I can do that, I’ll stick to doing that for a while before I try to enter any of the stores. It would be fantastic if I could walk to the grocery store and pick up some groceries once in a while and take some of the load off of J. There’s also a game/toy/comic store nearby that I’d like to go to with FA some day, too.
Well, I should probably end here for the evening. I’m very tired and my evening medications kicked in so I think I’ve typed most of this post with my eyes closed.