No panic attacks last night, and no nightmares, either. I still woke up a bunch of times worrying about things but that’s… well, that’s what it is.
My exercises went a little better today. Still nowhere near where I’d like to be, but better is better.
I went for my walk again today. I tried to take it a little slower and work in some mindfulness but that’s difficult when my brain is yelling at me that I have to get back to the house posthaste. A couple was out walking their dog and both they and it were very friendly so I gave it a pat on the head. Made me wonder again if J and I should get a dog.
I did the exposure with the stove element. The first time was a little rough but the second attempt went quite a bit better. I still don’t know if it’s getting any easier, but the clicking as the element turns on and off doesn’t drive me up the wall like it used to.
I tried to keep busy around the house today. I did some tidying in the kitchen and listened to some music. I put in a request to the radio station and they played it. Kind of sad when that’s a big moment in one’s day, but I was glad about it. I also went outside and shook out the front door mat and swept the front step and walkway clear of stones and other debris. Unfortunately, I had to open the garage door to get the broom and after I went back inside, I checked quite a few times because I was worried the door wasn’t closed.
Since mid-December of last year, the truck has been parked on the lawn. J and I wait for the snow to fall so we can pretend that our driveway is wide instead of parking on the grass. Well, with all the melting going on lately, it’s past time to move it into the garage. It’s been bothering me to get that done and J offered to do it. Unfortunately, when we’d shovelled the snow off the driveway this winter, it usually ended up right in front or right behind the truck, so even now it was still blocked in. I looked at it for a while before deciding that there was too much snow for it to move, even with 4WD (it was up past the bumper).
I texted with J for a bit and then decided to go back out and do some shovelling so that it’d melt faster. I went into the garage and grabbed a shovel, then started in on it. Having opened the door twice already today, I decided that instead of opening it again sometime to shovel again I’d just go and get it over with. I cleared some more snow and then figured I’d try to start the truck. I haven’t had a lot of luck with the truck sitting for long periods of time – the battery would be dead when I went to start it. It’s on its third battery and this time we sprung for one that was a little more expensive than the other ones.
Still, it had been sitting for three months in the middle of winter so I wasn’t expecting much. I hit the button to unlock the doors and was surprised when I heard the clunk from the doors. I leaned in the passenger side (the driver’s side was blown in with snow), put the key in the ignition, and turned it, expecting (at best) a couple of clicks or some buzzing.
It cranked nice and fast and started right up. I stood there for a couple of seconds, not really believing what had just happened.
I gave the dash an appreciative pat, then stomped through the snow to the driver’s side and got in. I clenched my teeth and put it in gear, and everything worked perfectly. I squished down some snow in the front, then backed up a bit and pulled right onto the driveway and into the garage. I closed the door, made sure it was closed, and went back inside. Tried to keep from checking but didn’t have a lot of luck until after J got home.
Getting the truck in the garage was good – it was one thing crossed off the list of things that have been bugging me lately.
So I spent quite a bit more time than usual outside today. True, most of it was in the front yard, but it was stuff that needed to get done.
J and I are done the first season of Night Court (the only one we have) and are now working on the fifth season of Elementary. We watched the first episode last night but for whatever reason, I don’t remember it at all. I don’t think I fell asleep, but who knows. I like Elementary, Jonny Lee Miller’s snooty “It’s so tiring to have to talk down at your level” acting is great.
I just realized I just wrote 900 words, 460 of which involved me shovelling snow and moving the truck 40 feet. I guess I’m glad I got it off the list of things to do.