How Important Is Quetiapine?

Song: “The Other Man’s Grass (Is Always Greener)” by Petula Clark (heard it for the first time today, the bass line near the end is AMAZING)

Mood: 6

Nightmares: 0

I slept alright last night. Only woke up a few times – not too bad. Spent less time rubbing my face and swearing before I crawled out of bed than usual.

When I went to make breakfast, I spent more time swearing in the kitchen than usual. There was a not-insignificant puddle of water in front of the dishwasher. It doesn’t seem to be coming from the usual suspects, and the underside of the dishwasher is dry. I wiped it up, put some paper towels under the door, wiped down the seals, and ran another load of dirty dishes. Not a drop fell on the towel. I think I’ll run it twice more and if it doesn’t leak I’ll button things back up and try not to worry about it. A good thing is that I already check the dishwasher as part of my nighttime process.

Sent out my daily texts and had a couple of good conversations. I took the plunge and decided to introduce J’s aunt to some upbeat punk music. I don’t think she’s made it through it yet. Maybe she’s just waiting a polite amount of time to tell me it’s terrible. Who knows. I hope she likes it, though!

I finished off those beanbags I started last week. Filled them up with rice and closed the spot that I had left open earlier. They’re a little small but I think they look okay. I ran the numbers, and six of them cost about $1.26. Of course, my time is worth $382.50/hr, but I’m doing this pro bono.

Six Little Red BeanbagsI spent more time working on figuring out what the stitches on my machine are for, and working out the dimensions for the bags that I want to make. I want them to be large enough and shaped the right way to be useful, while taking as little material as possible.

Had my Dr W appointment this afternoon. It started to snow around noonish here and by the time J got home to pick me up, the roads were getting a little gummy and most people had fallen into the “first real snow of the winter and I can’t remember last year” mode so it was a little nervous-making. We got to the appointment with no problems and I had my chat with Dr W. He was a little different today than usual – he didn’t seem as happy as usual. Maybe a little terse. But everyone’s allowed to have a down day. The main thing he got across was that he wanted to make sure that Dr C and I were working on the list of things that bothers me. We are – we’re just tackling several targets at once by making me go outside and do things.

I showed him the beanbags I made and asked him if he thought they’d be okay on the ward. He said yes and will speak with the Recreation Therapist about them. I found out that the Occupational Therapist that worked with me so many times retired a little while ago and moved away to be with her kids and grandkids. I wish her all the best, she was a fantastic example of a good person, and she genuinely, truly cared for the people she was working with. I hope she has a fantastic retirement.

Dr W also brought up physical activity. With winter here, I’m a lot less likely to go for a walk on the days I don’t feel like it, but I need to keep moving. The quetiapine I’m taking is known for causing weight gain, and I’m on a high dose. Dr W would like to see me move to a lower dose, which sounds great by me. I need to do a lot of work before we can change the dosage, though. He asked me what I thought about that and I responded by telling him that I currently weight 90lbs more than I did when I first met him, and if I could lower the medications that contribute to that, that would be great.

I’ve been thinking more about it, though, and I’m not sure how I feel. I take the quetiapine as part of my evening medications, and I really, REALLY don’t want to mess with my sleep. I’m not getting enough as it is, and I don’t want to risk days or weeks of laying in bed with my eyes wide open and having the sweats and the shakes. I also worry about the effect that reducing the quetiapine may have on the stuff I used to hear. My mind is already more than loud enough; being told I’m useless and a terrible person and dragging everyone down and getting demands about where the #%$& my DR plan is is bad enough. Not being able to deal with it or reason with it or run away from it is horrible. Really horrible. Dr W is a very good psychiatrist, though, so it’s not like he’s going to make me go cold turkey, but we tried lowering the zopiclone once and that didn’t go so well. I need to think about this and get comfortable with the idea.

No news on that 3D printer. I’ve got to admit, I’m very interested…

Tomorrow I plan to finalize the bag plans and build a prototype. If it works out, then I’ll crank out as many as I can with the material I have. Then I’ll probably go back to towels. Or maybe mittens. I’m not sure.

Stay safe.

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