Getting Ready For Monday

Song: “Johnny B Rotten” by The Monks

Mood: 6

Nightmares: 0

Once again, the weekend went by far too quickly.

J and I spent a lot of it hanging out and talking. We talked about all kinds of stuff – work, groceries, brain stuff… tons of things. One of the things I think is really neat is that we have been married for, uh… more than 15 years, yet we still have new and interesting things to talk about all the time. I figure that’s a good thing.

I didn’t accomplish an awful lot this weekend. I tidied up the kitchen again and put in another order for groceries that J picked up while she was out today. J spent the better part of yesterday evening giving the aquarium a really good cleaning, including fresh gravel. The fish and shrimp look a little confused right now but I think they’ll be fine.

DA sent me a text the other day asking if I could give him a hand with the gate at his cabin this weekend but I had to say no. I really don’t like not being able to help, and I feel bad about declining. We used to hang out a lot but since I got sick I haven’t seen him very much. I enjoy helping him plan and build/fix/etc things out in the woods, and we used to go out there and work on stuff fairly often. The last time I was out there was well over a year ago, and I had a lot of trouble with panic when some storms blew through overnight.

Now that I’m thinking about that, it has occurred to me that back then I was at least able to go out to DA’s cabin. Nowadays I’m still having trouble going to the grocery store down the street. Anybody who I want to see (or who wants to see me) has to come here instead of me going there. I can’t give anybody a hand with anything. It’s embarrassing and frustrating.

My mom keeps saying that she can tell the difference and that I’m getting better. When Dad was here a few days ago, he said a couple of times that he could see some of the “old Mark”. I hope they’re right – it would be wonderful if things were coming together and I could start being useful and helping people out again. I know this sounds dumb, but I would really like to be able to take another load of old carpet to the dump with the neighbour, or stomp through the bush to pull down dead trees to cut up for firewood, or be out for a walk after a heavy snow and help someone push their car out of a drift.

I keep trying to think of things I can do from home that’d be useful but I haven’t had a lot of luck. There must be something out there that I can unleash my encyclopedic knowledge (bwahaha) and staggering intellect (BWAHAHAHAAA) on. I think I’m going to sit down with a pen and paper tomorrow and do some thinking. But now… I should get to bed.

It’s raining outside. That’s great – things are pretty parched around here.

Stay safe.

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