Farthest I’ve Gone Yet

Song: “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf

Mood: 6.5->3->6

I slept pretty well last night. Woke up once from a nightmare but it was near when I normally got up anyway, so it wasn’t a big problem. I spent the day thinking, writing, and watching YouTube videos.

This evening I decided to go out for another motorcycle ride. I figured I’d wander around the neighbourhood a bit, maybe spend some time on the highway… but it turned into way more than that.

I got out on the highway and decided I was going to try to ride all the way around the city. I haven’t been able to do that in the truck, but generally speaking I’m more comfortable on the motorcycle than any other vehicle.

The sun was already less than an hour from setting and I was having a great time. The motorcycle ran great, I felt relaxed and comfortable, and due to some luck with traffic light timings, I didn’t spend too much time in heavy traffic.

Then came the construction zones. STAY IN THE RIGHT LANE, the signs said. OR GO IN THE LEFT LANE, WE DON’T CARE. As a result, I made a wrong turn and ended up cutting through a part of the city I’ve never been to before.

So here I was, in what was left of dusk, on a motorcycle at 80km/h, and I had no idea where I was. It was fertile ground for a panic attack, and one hit me right in the chest.

I kept riding, death grip on the handlebars, trying to convince myself that I was still in the city I called home, just a different part of it, to no avail. I decided I was going to make no turns until I saw a road that I recognized.

What ended up happening was that I rode through the entire city and ended up on the highway that I’d originally intended to take. It was good to be heading towards home and even better when I caught the smell of the garbage dump, meaning I was on the right track. I finally got home in the dark after putting about 90km on the bike and five years on my nerves. It was by far the longest distance I’ve gone in any vehicle since I got sick.

Hopefully this means that I’ll be more comfortable driving around and can push my boundaries back. I think a good goal would be to be able to drive myself to my Dr W appointments. That would be great.

Stay safe.

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