This is going to be another short post. I’m starting it too late, I’m too tired, and I want to get to bed. So…
I slept better last night than I have for the past week. For starters, no nightmares. I can only remember waking up worried four times last night which isn’t too bad. I’m pretty pooped, though.
Exercises didn’t go very well because my mind kept wandering and losing focus. More sleep will help that.
Listened to a lot of music today and tried to keep myself busy. I sent out my texts and had a couple of enjoyable and funny conversations with people. Someone tried to break through the gates DA and I built at his cabin couple of years ago (they tried to pull it apart with a tow strap. It bent but held) and I’ve been giving some thought to other ways he can improve security or somehow get a photo of the people or their vehicles.
My appointment with Dr P started out quite poorly. I was sweating like crazy, couldn’t keep still, and was having trouble keeping myself from screwing my eyes shut. We talked about my recent stint in the hospital and how things went, and how I was feeling at the time. I told him I was feeling guilty about my decision to go back to Dr C when she returns. It was really bothering me and I wanted to get it off my chest. Then we moved on to some more ACT work, some of which was the new stuff he learned at the ACT seminar he was at. One of the things we tried was opening my hand and listing things that I don’t like about myself or that I feel negative about and assigning it to one finger. Come up with something for each finger and then clench your hand into a fist and open it again. Trust me, it sounds/works a lot better from an expert like Dr P than the way I can describe it. We also went through another exercise where I had to figure out what was exciting to me if I had exactly one year to live. What would I want to do, where would I want to go, who would I like to see, etc. Then I had to do the same thing for six months. Then three. Then one. Then a week. Then a day. Then an hour. Then ten minutes. Then one minute. I found it very interesting how easy it was to plan for three or six months, but it was very difficult to plan for a year or for the periods shorter than a month. By the time the appointment was over, I felt a little better than I did when I’d arrived.
J made some delicious hamburgers for supper. I don’t know what she did (or what they were made of) but they were really tasty.
After supper we hung out for a while and then went downstairs to watch some Arrested Development. We picked up the fourth season and it’s been decent so far. Not as good as the earlier ones, but not too bad.
I have no appointments until next Wednesday. That is a wonderful, wonderful thing.