Doing Some Cleaning

Song: “Talk Dirty To Me” by Poison

Mood: 6

Nightmares: 0

I woke up at least four times again last night but was able to get back to sleep in probably about 15 minutes. I also couldn’t fall back asleep after J left but I didn’t feel too tired this morning.

My exercises went better than they have in a while, and I only got distracted by other things twice.

I had time to do the oven exposure twice, and it went pretty well too. I also did the prediction exercise twice and filled out the sheet. The prediction exercise is very easy to do, and I hope that’s not a problem. I don’t check things because I think they’re open/running/on fire/etc – I check them because I can’t convince myself that they’re not, even though I know better. I re-wrote that sentence about seven times and I’m still not sure if it says what I’m trying to say properly.

My room/office/Lloyd’s room has been so messy it’s been pretty much unusable for a long time now. I’ve thought about trying to tidy it up quite a few times but have given up before I started because it seemed like an impossible task. Today, I finally gave it a shot. I put on some loud music, picked a corner, and started in on it. A little less than two hours later I took a few steps back and took a look.

I was hard to tell there was any difference. What a mess. I plan to work on it again tomorrow – hopefully with a little more effort I’ll clear enough desk space that I’ll be able to use my microscope again. There’s some stringy algae growing in the main fish tank that I want to culture in a separate container and see if I can catch any cells during mitosis.

I got another letter (a real paper one!) from my aunt today. I really enjoy and appreciate her letters and feel guilty that I haven’t written her back yet. When I told my mom about that, she said not to worry, but I still do. I got her phone number today, though, and I think I’m going to send her a text tomorrow to say hello and to thank her for the letters and cards.

I spoke with my parents today and it sounds like my uncle got through his surgery in pretty good shape. He’s tired, but in good spirits. He did have a bit of an incident, though – apparently he was pretty heavily sedated after the surgery when he was back in his room and he realized he needed to use the washroom. Unfortunately, having just had the surgery and being pretty wonky from the medication, he didn’t remember that half of one of his legs was missing and had a bit of a spill. He’s okay, though. I really hope that he gets out of the hospital quickly and this surgery was the last that he’ll need. It’s not fun being in the hospital.

J picked me up this afternoon and we went to the hospital for my Dr W appointment a little earlier than usual. I brought my blood test form that I got from Dr H yesterday and thought I’d duck into the lab at the hospital and get everything done in one shot so I didn’t have to go out again later and do it. I did my best to keep from twitching during the blood draw and it went fine, but I still need to go back to a lab for another test. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to do it either just before or just after my Dr P appointment tomorrow. I’d rather not make another trip.

My Dr W appointment was difficult again today. After I left the lab, J and I went to the elevator. As soon as we pressed the button, an alarm came over the PA system. While I was in the hospital, I found the alarms to be very distressing – they’re very loud and start with a high-pitched tone that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. So that didn’t help things, and neither did the second alarm that came about 90 seconds later. Because of the time I spent at the lab and the two alarms, I was already having a rough time even before I got into Dr W’s office.

Dr W and I talked for a while. He is always interested in how therapy is going and what we’re working on. He also wants to make sure that I’m not spending my days in bed or on the couch again, and he checks to see how I’m doing overall. Today, he told me that he’s getting in touch with a colleague to see if they have any recommendations for medication changes to help me with what’s going on. In the interim, he increased my venlafaxine to 300mg.

This evening J and I hung out. Since we finished Elementary, we’ve started watching The Blacklist. The gunfights and action scenes are pretty fake but the cast is pretty good. I like the villain-of-the-week format, too – it reminds me of the way they did some shows in the 1980s.

DA and I have been texting quite a bit. His cabin is off the grid and he’s looking at increasing the amount of power he can generate out there. He already has some solar panels but he wants to add some more and put up a turbine. We’ve been tossing ideas back and forth, and it’s been good thinking about that stuff. It’s been a while since I’ve done any electric/electronic thinking.

Tomorrow is my Dr P appointment. I am not looking forward to it. I like Dr P – he’s a very good therapist – but I really don’t want to go out again tomorrow. Who knows, though – maybe we’ll have a breakthrough or something. That would be good.

Stay safe.

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