Doing A Little Better, I Think

Song: N/A

Mood: 5

I’ve been feeling pretty awful the last few days. It’s been very difficult to do anything and my mind is stuck on the same track all the time.

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine from out of town left me a message saying she was going to be here today and she wanted to get together for coffee. I almost said no.

Then, today came and I almost cancelled, but I hadn’t seen her in five or so years so I managed to drag myself out of bed, cleaned myself up, and went to meet her. We spent about 90 minutes chatting and catching up and it was really good to talk to her again. She’s aware of what’s been going on with me and has a daughter with anxiety issues so it was easy to talk to her about how I was doing.

Then, this afternoon I had an appointment with Dr P. I almost cancelled that too, but I figured that if I was really down, talking to my therapist would probably help. When I arrived, he could see that I wasn’t doing very well and, in a first for me, suggested we go on a mindfulness walk. We walked for about 40 minutes, paying attention to the world around us – colours, smells, sounds, textures – and working to put work and other distressing thoughts to the background. By the end of it I was feeling noticeably better than I had when I first arrived at his office. I still don’t feel great, but at this point I’ll take any improvement. I don’t want to end up in the hospital again if I can help it.

This evening, I made supper while J dug the rest of the potatoes out of the garden and got it ready for winter. She brought in enough potatoes for probably four good meals. It was nice to have the garden around this year. I didn’t mind watering it or pulling weeds, probably because it was so small. It felt more like a hobby than a chore.

My parents are home from their trip and they had a wonderful time. I had a good talk on the phone with them this evening and it was nice to hear how happy they were that they went and how much fun they had. They’re thinking of going back in two years and they’d like to take J and I along. That’s something worth working towards, I think.

Stay safe.

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