Song: “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash
Mood: 6
Nightmares: 0
I did end up freaking myself out a bit with all of the stuff I was thinking about last night and it took me a long time to fall asleep. I remember waking up worried about things a few times, too, and I’m feeling a little more tired than usual today. When I’m sleeping, I appear to be sleeping pretty well – my CPAP machine counts how many times per hour my breathing does something weird and the numbers have been pretty good lately.
My exercises didn’t go well again today. I’m starting to wonder if I need to do something different or do some kind of preparation before I start. I used to be able to just go downstairs, sit on the couch, take a few deep breaths, and start in on them. Lately, I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping focused and I keep thinking about things that I’m worried about or things that I feel terrible about. I’m kind of at a loss about what to do but I’ll keep trying.
I did the bathroom fan exposure once today and it went okay. Still around the two-hour mark before my anxiety is down enough but the numbers are peaking a little lower than earlier in the week, so that’s good I guess.
I wasn’t feeling very perky today so I didn’t accomplish very much. I listened to some music, did some reading (J got me a new motorcycle magazine the other day), looked into the DVD stuff again, and played with some new themes for this blog (none of which I liked).
J got home a little before 2:30 to take me to my appointment with Dr P. Today was going to be a little different, though – J has had some questions and things she wanted to talk with Dr P about so she accompanied me to the session. I had emailed ahead to make sure this was okay and Dr P seemed to be fine with the idea.
J and Dr P dominated the conversation during the session. This was perfectly fine with me and I learned a few things while I was sitting there, trying to stay in the moment and ignore the guilt and anxiety as it worked very hard to get my attention. I am very glad that J came to the session – she answered her questions and the information introduced in the conversation made it easier for Dr P to come up with a couple of ideas for us to try. I need to remember the next time I see Dr H that I need to ask her if there are any psych groups that meet at the hospital.
This evening J and I watched two episodes of Boston Legal. I was kind of hoping to fit in another one but I’m really dragging (apologies for worse grammar, spelling, and punctuation than normal and for any weird statements) and I think I need to go to bed really soon.
I meant to address yesterday’s post this evening but I think I’ll hold off until the weekend.
J has tomorrow off so tonight marks the start of a long weekend. It will be wonderful to spend more time with her!
One last thing – our order of disposable gloves came in today so now we have 500 gloves that we can use when preparing poultry or meat without needing to actually touch it. I’m pretty sure I’m still going to be washing my hands a lot.
Stay safe.