Clenching My Jaw Too Much

Song: N/A

Mood: 5.5

Nightmares: 0

Last night went about as well as nights have gone lately. I clearly remember waking up four times to worry about things, all of which were in reality fine and there was nothing to worry about (like usual).

My exercises went alright. Some focus issues but I got through the time and when I was done them I felt better than when I’d started.

I’ve been clenching my jaw all day again and got another headache. I don’t like how this is going – I got headaches every day at work for years, and would really like to not get them again now.

I sent out my texts and had a couple of good conversations. I enjoy sending and receiving them, although I will admit that sometimes when I get six or eight coming in at the same time I start to get anxious. I worry that someone is trying to text me with some kind of important message or emergency, so I keep telling myself that everyone I know would use voice for something important.

I did not go for my walk today. As far as the weather went, it was a really nice day for it, but I’m still pretty uncomfortable and walking makes it quite a bit worse. I did totter out to the driveway and check out the front and back yards. I am pleased to say that both the front and back yards are still there and not filled with old washing machines or piles of burning tires.

I spent some time cleaning up in the house today. Nothing too fancy, just doing the dishes and putting some things away. Lots more needs to be done, so I will spend a couple of hours on it again tomorrow I think.

I also made an effort to finally finish one of the three documents that I’ve been working on for a long time now. While I was going over one of them, though, I found quite a few sections that were pretty clumsily worded, so I tried to rework them. I’ll check it again tomorrow – hopefully it’ll be good to go.

I spent too much time chasing ghosts again today. I like opening the blinds in the living room but there is a very big elm tree out front. Some of its branches hang quite low and sway in the breeze. No matter how many times I see it or know what’s going on, the swaying of that branch out of the corner of my eye always grabs my attention. I put up with it for a while but then gave up and closed the blinds. The city owns the tree so I can’t just go out there and hack pieces off it. The house was making a lot of creaks and ticks too. Most of them I couldn’t locate or identify, and I kept getting interrupted bu them all day.

I need to listen to something when I’m at home. Usually I hook up some speakers and put on some music. The problem with that is that it makes finding where the ghosts are harder to do. I’ve tried turning the music down, but that causes its own set of problems. I don’t know how much higher I can turn it up before I start bothering the neighbours or my eardrums. I need to think about this a bit.

The radio announcer today said that he could feel that summer was getting old and fall was on its way. While I don’t necessarily disagree with him, I wish he hadn’t said it. I’m not looking forward to slogging through the snow and fighting with the snowblower while I freeze my butt off. It’s so hard on everything, too – from wood to engines to rubber seals.

I haven’t even been out on my motorcycle yet this summer. That is yet another thing I feel guilty about. My bike is my buddy, and I feel bad for leaving him just sitting there in the garage and not going out for rides with him. We’ve been to a lot of places over the years together. I hope we will get to more.

No Dr P appointment today, and this is my last week “off”. Next week I get back to things with an appointment with Dr W. I would prefer to not make any medication changes at this time but I’ll see what he has to say.

Speaking of Dr P, he wants me to decide by the next time I see him whether I’m planning to stick with him or go back to Dr C when she gets back in late August. It’s a really tough question, and I keep flip-flopping on what I think would be the best thing. The original intent was for me to go back to Dr C, but I’ve been seeing Dr P for a year now. They’re both very good therapists and have both helped me immensely. I’m not sure. If you have any thoughts or opinions, please feel free to drop me a comment!

J brought home burritos for supper today, and they were delicious. That burrito shop a little ways from here makes the best ones I’ve ever tasted. They’re so much better than those little frozen ones from the grocery store (although they have their uses, too). I’m pretty sure I could eat those burritos every day. Or at least five times a week.

Still no big accomplishments, although parts of the house do look better than they did yesterday. I’m not sure what tomorrow is going to bring (aside from the aforementioned cleaning).

Stay safe.

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