How Important Is Quetiapine?

Song: “The Other Man’s Grass (Is Always Greener)” by Petula Clark (heard it for the first time today, the bass line near the end is AMAZING)

Mood: 6

Nightmares: 0

I slept alright last night. Only woke up a few times – not too bad. Spent less time rubbing my face and swearing before I crawled out of bed than usual.

When I went to make breakfast, I spent more time swearing in the kitchen than usual. There was a not-insignificant puddle of water in front of the dishwasher. It doesn’t seem to be coming from the usual suspects, and the underside of the dishwasher is dry. I wiped it up, put some paper towels under the door, wiped down the seals, and ran another load of dirty dishes. Not a drop fell on the towel. I think I’ll run it twice more and if it doesn’t leak I’ll button things back up and try not to worry about it. A good thing is that I already check the dishwasher as part of my nighttime process.

Sent out my daily texts and had a couple of good conversations. I took the plunge and decided to introduce J’s aunt to some upbeat punk music. I don’t think she’s made it through it yet. Maybe she’s just waiting a polite amount of time to tell me it’s terrible. Who knows. I hope she likes it, though!

I finished off those beanbags I started last week. Filled them up with rice and closed the spot that I had left open earlier. They’re a little small but I think they look okay. I ran the numbers, and six of them cost about $1.26. Of course, my time is worth $382.50/hr, but I’m doing this pro bono.

Six Little Red BeanbagsI spent more time working on figuring out what the stitches on my machine are for, and working out the dimensions for the bags that I want to make. I want them to be large enough and shaped the right way to be useful, while taking as little material as possible.

Had my Dr W appointment this afternoon. It started to snow around noonish here and by the time J got home to pick me up, the roads were getting a little gummy and most people had fallen into the “first real snow of the winter and I can’t remember last year” mode so it was a little nervous-making. We got to the appointment with no problems and I had my chat with Dr W. He was a little different today than usual – he didn’t seem as happy as usual. Maybe a little terse. But everyone’s allowed to have a down day. The main thing he got across was that he wanted to make sure that Dr C and I were working on the list of things that bothers me. We are – we’re just tackling several targets at once by making me go outside and do things.

I showed him the beanbags I made and asked him if he thought they’d be okay on the ward. He said yes and will speak with the Recreation Therapist about them. I found out that the Occupational Therapist that worked with me so many times retired a little while ago and moved away to be with her kids and grandkids. I wish her all the best, she was a fantastic example of a good person, and she genuinely, truly cared for the people she was working with. I hope she has a fantastic retirement.

Dr W also brought up physical activity. With winter here, I’m a lot less likely to go for a walk on the days I don’t feel like it, but I need to keep moving. The quetiapine I’m taking is known for causing weight gain, and I’m on a high dose. Dr W would like to see me move to a lower dose, which sounds great by me. I need to do a lot of work before we can change the dosage, though. He asked me what I thought about that and I responded by telling him that I currently weight 90lbs more than I did when I first met him, and if I could lower the medications that contribute to that, that would be great.

I’ve been thinking more about it, though, and I’m not sure how I feel. I take the quetiapine as part of my evening medications, and I really, REALLY don’t want to mess with my sleep. I’m not getting enough as it is, and I don’t want to risk days or weeks of laying in bed with my eyes wide open and having the sweats and the shakes. I also worry about the effect that reducing the quetiapine may have on the stuff I used to hear. My mind is already more than loud enough; being told I’m useless and a terrible person and dragging everyone down and getting demands about where the #%$& my DR plan is is bad enough. Not being able to deal with it or reason with it or run away from it is horrible. Really horrible. Dr W is a very good psychiatrist, though, so it’s not like he’s going to make me go cold turkey, but we tried lowering the zopiclone once and that didn’t go so well. I need to think about this and get comfortable with the idea.

No news on that 3D printer. I’ve got to admit, I’m very interested…

Tomorrow I plan to finalize the bag plans and build a prototype. If it works out, then I’ll crank out as many as I can with the material I have. Then I’ll probably go back to towels. Or maybe mittens. I’m not sure.

Stay safe.

GP Appointment Tomorrow

Song: “There Goes Norman” by The Undertones

Mood: 6

Nightmares: 0

I didn’t sleep very well last night. I wasn’t having nightmares or panic attacks or anything like that. I just kept waking up, worried about one thing or another (several times were about my appointment tomorrow).

My exercises went pretty well today. I had to interrupt them seven times because of things that I had to go make sure were okay. Other than that, they weren’t too bad.

It was pretty beautiful out today. I wore my crocs out on my walk again (too lazy to put on socks and shoes) and took another different route that brought me to the parking lot of the little strip mall nearby. It was pretty cool that I got out there and I hope I can make it part of my regular route. If I get used to walking out there, then I’m going to try going into a store. If I can do that, then I’ll be able to do all kinds of stuff! Fingers crossed!

I did the toaster exposure again today, and it went about as well as it has gone so far. I really need to figure out a new target.

I sent a bunch of texts out today and had some conversations. I enjoy sending things to people that they may not expect – funny videos, jokes, that kind of thing. Spent quite a while playing with OpenShot Video Editor again, mainly to make tiny videos that can be attached to texts.

I spent some more time looking at algae with my microscope again, too. Still no luck finding cells that were in the midst of division, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. Even though I haven’t had luck yet, it’s really interesting looking at the algae. The differences and similarities and how there are thick and thin “branches” of it is really neat.

So I have my Dr H appointment tomorrow afternoon. I’m not looking forward to it. I’ll be getting the results of the last batch of tests that I had, and I’ll also be getting some moles removed. They’re not cancerous – just an annoyance. I will be bringing along a hat just in case she needs to shave the spots of my head around the moles. I really hope the appointment goes well and quickly.

Speaking of shaving, J used that fancy hair cutter on me again today and cut my hair back to a half inch. She had a hair appointment this past weekend with the same stylist that I’ve gone to and explained to her where I was and that I hadn’t betrayed her or anything like that. The hairdresser is fine with it all (she is aware of what’s been going on), and that makes me feel better about that. J also did a really good job again and I feel better now that my hair is short again.

I have done up a list of things I need to do or take along tomorrow but I can’t shake the feeling I’m forgetting something. I guess we’ll see tomorrow.

Stay safe.