Not Feeling Very Well

I’m sitting around a four. Maybe a three and a half. I didn’t sleep well again last night – I kept waking up with my mind racing. Managed to get out for a haircut but spent most of the rest of the day in bed not accomplishing anything. Texted FA and said I couldn’t get together with her again, and I feel terrible about that.

I also feel unwell. My skin is all prickly, I’m sweating for no reason, I feel hot and cold at the same time, I want to curl up into a little ball… I just feel bad.

J and I had supper and watched some Community but I think I’m going to head to bed really early and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Stay safe.

Not So Great

I didn’t sleep all that well last night. I got up with J when she was getting ready for work, had breakfast, and went back to bed. Again, I had trouble falling back asleep. After a while I got up and wandered around a bit, then went back to bed and slept for a while.

My Dr W appointment went pretty well. I’m now on a lower lorazepam and quetiapine dosage at bed time – 1mg (down from 2) and 300mg (down from 450), respectively. Being able to lower my medications makes me happy and helps remind me that I’m getting better.

This evening, though, wasn’t so great. We went to Home Depot to pick up some boards and chicken wire to build the garden and there was just so much noise it really unsettled me and caused me to start panicking. The forklift, in particular, spent almost all of our time there with the reverse beepers going and the driver honking the horn every two seconds. It was so close and so loud, I just couldn’t get it out of my head. J offered to go home then but we were so close to getting everything we needed that I decided to tough it out.

So now I’m feeling pretty rough. Somewhere around a four and a half. I hope I wake up in a better mood tomorrow.

Stay safe!

Not Too Bad

Today has gone along pretty well, I think. I’m still yawning all the time and feel like I just want to go back to bed but other than that things are pretty good.

I forgot to take my medication this morning. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever done that. It’s weird that I forgot, too – I have one of those pill organizers that’s broken up into morning, afternoon, evening, and bedtime for each day of the week and it sits on the dining room table right in front of me when I sit down for breakfast. I must’ve moved it out of the way. I realized that I’d forgotten to take them at supper and then took the venlafaxine but left the rest out.

As I’m typing this, I think that may have been a mistake. I can feel myself waking up and becoming more alert – not something I want as the day comes to a close. I don’t know if it’s real or psychosomatic but I really don’t want to be up all night so I just took my evening medication and hopefully the quetiapine and zopiclone will still help me sleep.

Okay, so other than that, things are pretty good. My appointment with Dr C went well this morning. We finished going over the EMDR prep and will get into it next week. I’m both looking forward to it and kind of dreading it at the same time. I hope it goes well.

When I got home, I took a nap and then went downstairs to putter for a while. I didn’t accomplish all that much but it felt good to be moving around. I still amaze myself with how much electronics stuff I’ve forgotten. It’ll be fun to get back into it I think.

J got home from work at the usual time and we had a good chat before we went to make supper. Since it’s been so hot out we’ve been trying to keep from using the oven or boiling lots of water so we made what I call Beefy Browns. Basically, you fry up some of those little cubed hash brown potatoes, throw in some mushrooms, some onion powder, some shredded cheese, some hot sauce, and then enough beef broth to get all the hash browns wet. They soak up the broth quite quickly and once that happens, they’re done. Are they good for you? Probably not. They’re easy to make, though, and everything is done in one pan.

While I was puttering in the laboratory last night I came across a picture from 2001 where J and I were at a Christmas Dinner and it’s obvious we’re enjoying ourselves. Since I usually end up in the kitchen or dining room when I’m in rough shape, I put the picture on the fridge so it’s easy to see and I don’t have to go looking for it.

I haven’t finished putting the motorcycle back together yet because it’s too hot out and I’m fat. Once the daytime temperature is back down around the 22C mark I’ll head out and do it. I know I keep saying it, too, but I really want to do some welding. Just a lot of practice beads to start out but then I want to build a cabinet. Don’t ask me why, it’s just something that’s been on my list for a long time.

But yeah, I’m probably sitting around a seven or so. Not too bad.

Stay safe!

Dragging…

This is probably going to be a short post as I’m dragging my butt right now. It was a good day, though.

I got together with WG this morning and we went to the record store and then a nearby second-hand store to take a look at their record selection. It was great to hang out with WG today but I don’t know how much fun I was – I was pretty tired.

When I got home I listened to a couple of records and then took a nap in front of the record player. It wasn’t a particularly good nap – I find that without my CPAP machine I really don’t sleep well. After that I gave my folks a call and had a grest chat with both of my parents.

Once I was off the phone, I felt pretty lonely. I sat around the house for a bit and then decided to force myself to do something. Off to the basement laboratory I went, intent on cleaning off my workbench and getting it in order to do some tinkering in electronics.

J got home a little while later (it was so good to see her!) and we talked for a bit before having a delightful chicken Caesar salad for supper and then we both went back downstairs and did some more cleaning.

Determined to accomplish something electronic-y, I fired up my little computer, grabbed a breadboard, and got a PIC to blink a single light on and off once per second. It was nice to see that it didn’t take me too long to remember how to do that, but I think I’ve lost a LOT of the electronics knowledge I used to have because I didn’t use it for quite some time.

But… the outside is hot and the basement is cool. Something tells me I’ll be spending a lot more time at my electronics bench.

Stay safe!

Good (But Tired) Weekend

I can’t seem to shake whatever it is that’s making me so tired. I’m sleeping 12-14 hours per day, which I really don’t want to do. I’ve got tons of stuff that I either should be doing or want to be doing instead of sleeping the day away.

Otherwise, the weekend went quite well. J and I figured out where we’re going to put the garden and one or two trees, too. I plan to grow a couple of tomato plants, some beans, some onions, some carrots, and some potatoes. It’s not going to be a very large garden but I’m looking forward to getting our first veggies out of it! J and I may go to the lumber store tomorrow to pick up the cedar boards, brackets, and soil to build the garden enclosure and have it ready to go.

WG called this evening. I really wasn’t expecting to hear from him for a while but it was great to talk to him. It was probably the longest phone conversation I’ve had in weeks! He also invited me along to the record store tomorrow so I’ll meet him at his house and we’ll take his car from there. I’m excited about hanging out with WG and going to the record store again. With luck, I’ll find a few more gems in the dollar bin – some more James Last would be great!

I think I’m also going to ask WG if I can buy him lunch. It would be good to be able to sit down and have a good conversation, too.

I have a Dr C appointment on Tuesday, a Dr W appointment on Wednesday, and I may possibly be getting together with FA on Friday. Another busy week coming up!

Stay safe!

Might Be Perking Up A Bit

I couldn’t get out of bed today until just before noon. The good news is that once I was up for a bit, I started to feel a little less tired than I have lately. I feel bad for cancelling on FA but there was no way I was going to even hold a good conversation until around 2PM. Since then, I’ve been feeling alright. I still feel the pull of the bed but I feel like I have the reserves to fight it today which is pretty nice.

I accomplished very little today. I was going to go outside and work on the bike but I got two steps outside and abruptly turned around and went back in. It was around 33C out. That’s way too hot for me. I went out to the back yard, said a little prayer, and flicked the switch on our ancient air conditioner, then went inside again to test it. It worked – and we may be able to squeeze another year out of it!

One of our neighbours moved out today. It’s too bad. She was a really good neighbour, always friendly and would wave hello whenever she was out or driving by. Her dad also has a pretty nice motorcycle that he would visit along with a couple more riding friends. Good neighbours are a blessing. I wonder what the next owner or owners of the house will be like.

You know, now that I think about it, in some ways I must be getting better. The last time one of our neighbours were getting ready to move, J actually told me to sit down and she broke the news to me gently. Even so, I was still quite upset. This time, though… it’s been about five years since the last move and, while I still wish she weren’t moving, I’m okay with the whole thing. I should probably let Dr C and Dr W know about this.

I had a really good chat with my mom this evening. We talked about pretty much everything and had a good time. My folks are coming into town sometime soon for an appointment and, with luck, they’ll be able to stop in for a visit on their way home. We’ll see how things work out.

It’s very dark outside right now; the streetlights have all turned on. With how warm it was today I think we’re going to get a storm. If so, it’ll be the first one since the storm I sat through at DA’s cabin. I’m a little nervous but very interested in how I’ll react. J and I spent some time outside, sitting on the deck and blowing bubbles – a traditional pre-thunderstorm activity for us.

I just heard some thunder. Wish me luck.

Have a good weekend and stay safe!

And… Still Tired

I spent a lot of today in bed. Mostly it was because I was tired but for a while I was feeling kind of down, too. I’m not entirely sure why but fortunately it seems to have passed.

I did a lot of thinking when I wasn’t sleeping. Thinking about how long I’ve been away from work, wondering how long it’s going to take until I can reliably work again, how long I’m going to have to worry about little things sending me back to the psych ward… stuff like that. J says that she thinks that I’ve got another layer of strength since I last got out of the hospital. I don’t feel like it but it would be really nice if it were true.

I texted FA today and said that I was too tired to get together tomorrow. She texted back that it was okay but I feel pretty bad for doing that. She’s a really good friend and I enjoy hanging out with her. Hopefully she understands and we can get together again soon.

J has had a lot of stuff going on lately. She’s been doing a lot of things at work, taking distance classes, went to an interview for a volunteer position, and found time to fire off a resume. Now that she’s taken her final exam and things have quieted down at work, we celebrated with a pizza night. I’ll use any excuse for a pizza night but the truth is I’m very proud of her and all the work she does.

Spring is here – of that, there can be no doubt. It got up to around 26C today and it’s supposed to make it into the low 30s over the next few days. I’m not a big fan of the heat but I really like the smells and sounds of spring. Fresh cut grass, the sound of birds singing… I like spring.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do tomorrow. Probably spend most of it in bed again. I’m going to make a goal of finishing up the motorcycle. Depending on what it’s like and how I feel, I may even fire it up and take it for a ride. It’d be nice to be back on the bike again.

Stay safe!

Still Tired

Today has been a decent day. I’d say I’m sitting around a seven or seven and a half. I’m still really tired, though. I managed to get out and mow the front lawn this morning before it got too hot. It looks a lot better now but I expect that in two or three days we’ll have shin-high dandelions again. It’s supposed to get really warm as the week goes on – hopefully our ancient air conditioner still works…

J switched her hours around again so she could drive me to my Dr W appointment (thank you!) and it went pretty well. Dr W and I decided to cut back my quetiapine by 150mg so now my nightly dosage is 450mg. I’m happy to be taking less medication and hope that a lower dosage will help me stay awake during the day.

Other than that, not much is going on today. I probably have more to say but can’t remember it right now.

Stay safe!

Found Those Motorcycle Parts…

Actually, J found them. I probably spent close to an hour rooting through the garage with no luck. J went into the garage this evening and saw them after less than twenty seconds. I understand that a second pair of eyes can help, but yeesh – that was almost embarrassing. At least now I can finish putting the bike back together and go for a ride (if I can convince myself to do it).

I still feel like I’m running on empty. I did okay this morning for my Dr H appointment, which went quickly and well, but it wasn’t long after I got home that I couldn’t stop yawning and went to the couch to take a nap. J got home and we made supper and then I wandered back to the couch for another rest.

I don’t know why I’m so tired. Dr C suggested that I may just be catching up from the sleep that I missed out on over the last while, and I really hope that’s the case. Regardless of the cause, though, I’m getting a little annoyed at myself for not accomplishing much during the day. I have so much stuff I want to do!

Another thing I’m worried about is that FA is a ball of energy. I have enough trouble keeping up with her on my good days – Friday will probably be overwhelming for me and boring for her if I don’t perk up a bit.

My last ghost shrimp died today. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. The same two cleaner shrimp I’ve had all along are still happily cleaning algae off the plant but I just can’t seem to keep ghost shrimp alive. I’ve no idea why. Maybe I somehow got two bad batches of them. Maybe I just don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe that’s why they’re $1.49.

I had another good chat with my folks today. They might be coming into town soon, and if that’s the case, I think I’ll ask if my dad is interested in giving me a hand with my raised garden idea. I know it’s starting to get a little late for planting some things but I’m hoping that I’ll at least get some beans out of it this year.

Stay safe!

Still Tired

Today was a pretty good day. I slept well but I’m still pooped. My mom called this morning and we had a good chat, it was quite nice to talk to her. I got some good news about a couple of my relatives and that’s always good to hear.

Since I was still groggy, J took some time out of her busy day (thank you again!) to drive me to my appointment with Dr C. The appointment was difficult in places but went pretty well. It was the first time I’d seen her since my most recent trip to the hospital. We did have a phone meeting while I was in the hospital, but there was a lot of stuff that had changed, particularly with respect to medication. I think next week we’re going to start in on the EMDR. I’m looking forward to it but a little wary at the same time. Dr C also gave me some good information on coping with voices. I hope I don’t experience them again but if I do, I’ll have another tool in my toolbox for dealing with them.

I didn’t get a lot done today. It’s been grey and rainy outside for the last few days so I haven’t been able to get outside and mow the dandelions. I played some Mass Effect and cooked supper and almost had it timed perfectly for when J got home.

After supper, J and I had three or four really good conversations in a row about all kinds of stuff. I think it’s great that we’ve been married for over fifteen years and still have new things to talk about.

Tomorrow I have my Dr H appointment. I don’t expect any problems.

Sorry this post is short too but my tank is empty and I need to head to bed.

Stay safe!