Anxious Today For Some Reason

Song: “Desperado” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

Mood: 5.5

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been pretty anxious all day. I think I slept pretty well, but I could feel the anxiety as soon as I woke up.

I did some grounding and some breathing, both of which helped a bit, and then tried to keep myself busy. I spent a bit of time out in the garage again but made sure I was only out there in the morning when it was relatively cool out.

Once I was done there, I came inside and went downstairs to listen to some of my favourite records at a pretty high volume. That helped knock the anxiety back a bit, too. As long as I kept busy, I was okay. As soon as I took a break or sat down for a minute, it would come back again in full. Not a great way to spend the day.

J texted and said she was going to be a little late today so I made supper and had it ready by the time she got home. We had a good talk and after supper we went downstairs where she worked on her tablet and I did more breathing exercises with a fan running to chase the nervous sweat away.

This is something that really annoys me about my anxiety. It can show up whenever it wants. I’m in my basement, in a comfortable chair, I’ve just had supper, and my wife is sitting just a few feet away. There’s absolutely nothing bad going on or anything I have to do, but I’m sitting there, clenching my jaw, sweating, and nervous for no reason. It’s frustrating and embarrassing.

After a while, J and I went out to the garage and did a bit more cleaning and throwing out some stuff. If I manage to get myself moving tomorrow before it’s too warm, I’m going to finally do some welding. It’ll be good to get in some “arc therapy” and practice a bit. It’s been a long time. I’ve got a little list of things that I want to build, modify, or fix, and I’m sure I’m going to enjoy doing it. I’m also looking forward to trying out the new welding jacket that J got me for Christmas.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the rest of my evening. Whatever it is, I need to keep busy.

Stay safe!

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