Song: “Paranoid” by Black Sabbath
I slept very well last night. I don’t know what (if anything) has changed but I’m not complaining. I woke up this morning feeling pretty well. I did my mindfulness and worry exercises and toyed around with some electronics again.
I went for a short walk this afternoon before my appointment. Aside from being a little gusty it was quite pleasant out.
My appointment with Dr P this afternoon went well but was a little difficult at times. We’re back to working on ACT and today we were going over personal values and how I see myself. I think part of my problem is that I set impossibly high standards for myself and then feel terrible when I fall short.
There are also some scenarios where I set myself up to feel bad regardless of the outcome. For example, my dad offered to come out this weekend and help me do some projects around the house. I really appreciated the offer but I declined. Part of me feels guilty that I don’t see my family enough, but if I’d said yes, I would’ve felt guilty that Dad would’ve spent half the day driving just to come out here.
Just writing that out bothers me. I feel like an ungrateful kid.
After my appointment I went home and J and I had supper. We spent a lot of the time talking. It was good to just sit there and chat for a while. We didn’t even talk about anything particularly complicated, it was mostly how our days were. J is going to be away this weekend. I will miss her but I really hope she has a good time.
I’m getting together with FA tomorrow afternoon. I’m not sure what we’re going to do yet – maybe a trip to the hardware store – but I’m sure it will be interesting.
For the weekend, I have a lot of things I can do but no concrete plans yet. I think I’m going to put aside some time to sit in front of the TV and watch a couple of movies. I think it’s supposed to be pretty nice out so I may spend some time outside, too. Maybe I’ll go for a drive and see if I can push my comfort zone out a little farther from home. I haven’t done that much lately.
I think the changes in medication that Dr W made are catching up with me (in a good way). It’s good to be able to say that things are still getting better!