Song: N/A
Mood: 5.5
Nightmares: 1
I didn’t sleep all that well again last night. I’d wake up for one reason or another and then have a lot of trouble getting back to sleep. I’m feeling pretty tired again today but that’s fine.
I spent some time playing with electronics stuff today. I’m amazed at how much of it I’ve forgotten. I used to know all of the TTL chips from 7400 to 74245 but I can only remember a few of them now. I also can’t remember how to bias a transistor. The good news is I still have my textbooks and some of my notes from way back when so I can look this stuff up and refresh my memory.
A letter came from the insurance company today. I was too nervous to open it so I waited until J got home and asked her to open it for me. Fortunately, it wasn’t bad news. They’re just changing the way they define a disability from “unable to do your job” to “unable to do any job”. I suppose that makes sense.
My appointment with Dr W went pretty well. He was pleased that I’m feeling a little better than I was last week and we agreed to not make any medication changes this time. I’m guessing that the medication changes we made two weeks ago are kicking in a bit, and we also made some last week that might make a bigger difference in a little while, too.
J made an observation and I think it’s both good and bad. She noticed that I’m getting irritated and frustrated at some things. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal but for the last four years or so I haven’t been able to get angry at anything – I’d just get bummed out about it. I’m not saying I want to be angry but it might be a good sign that I’m getting better, even if I don’t really feel like it.
My parents called again today to check in on me and encourage me to keep busy. I feel terrible saying this but I’m not sure how I feel about all this. One one hand, it’s great to talk to my folks and hang out with them. On the other hand, I don’t really like everybody reminding me that I need to do things. I know I need to keep active but it’s not as simple as saying, “get your butt off the couch and do something”. Some days just getting out of bed seems impossible. I am very grateful that I have such a good support system and people who care about me but some days I just can’t scrape together the motivation, confidence, or energy to do anything.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr P. The last few weeks we’ve been focusing on my mood using mindfulness techniques and it’s worked – I’ve left his office feeling better than when I arrived. I’m not sure what we’re going to work on this week but I’m looking forward to feeling well enough to get back to the ACT work we were doing.
Stay safe.