Song: “Cherry Bomb” by The Runaways
Mood: 5.5
Nightmares: 0
Today was kind of weird.
I woke up quite a few times last night but otherwise I think I slept reasonably well. No nightmares, at least.
My exercises didn’t work out again because I couldn’t keep my mind from wandering off to things I’d rather not think about. I stopped trying after about half an hour and worked on doing some grounding.
FA came by around noon with burritos and a new game to try. The burritos were once again excellent (I always get the cheese and bean) and we had a really good talk while we ate. It’s been a while since we last hung out and it was good to catch up – we both had some stories to tell.
After we were done lunch, FA broke out a new game called Spot It (NHL edition). It’s pretty simple but quite enjoyable. You just look for symbols that match between your card and the card that’s in the middle, and the first person to announce their symbol gets the middle card:
We played quite a few rounds and both won some. We didn’t talk much during the games because of the way it’s played, but we took extra time shuffling the cards to chat more. I had a great time and was surprised at how quickly the hours went, but you know what they say about time flying…
Since it was (kind of) on her way home, FA offered to take me to my Dr P appointment so J didn’t have to leave work early. Unfortunately, as soon as we left the house I started to get really anxious again so I wasn’t very good company for the ride. Fortunately, FA is pretty easy going and filled in the gaps when I wasn’t talking.
My Dr P appointment was difficult again today. We went over the sheets I brought in and talked about how some of the sheets proved that I can trust my memories. We also decided that I don’t need to do the stove exposure anymore and can work on another target. I haven’t decided what I’ll work on next but I’ll have it figured out by tomorrow morning. I also don’t have to do the other sheets this week, either.
While we were discussing some of the other sheets, I started to get overwhelmed and had what I think would be best described as a bit of a meltdown. Dr P was very patient and helpful and afterwards said that I had given him some useful information while I was going on about everything going on in my head. He kept talking with me well after our session time had expired, too. He’s done this a couple of times now and I really appreciate that he doesn’t sit there staring at the clock and cutting me off in the middle of a sentence. Of course, with me being me, I feel guilty that we ran late but Dr P reminded me that the time is his responsibility to watch.
J picked me up after my appointment and we went straight home. I was still pretty wrung out and we talked (she did most of the talking) while I basically clung to her. Between being back home and talking with J, I eventually calmed down. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – J makes everything better/easier/less scary. I’m a very lucky guy.
We had supper and then she went to do some painting (the wall kind, not the canvas kind) and I looked through and thought about what had happened during the day. I got an email back from that friend of mine that DA put me in touch with last year. I hadn’t heard from her after my last email and I was worrying I’d said something to offend her but everything is good.
I’m not sure what J and I are going to do this weekend. We’ve been discussing watching The Last Jedi but can’t really remember what happened in The Force Awakens so we may watch that one again first. Other than that, I don’t really know what’s going to happen. Hopefully it will be a good weekend.
Stay safe.