And Into The Weekend We Go

Song: “Chug-a-Lug” by Roger Miller

Mood: 6

If I haven’t mentioned it already, I’ll say it now – J is a genius! She did some research into my back pain and last night she had me prop myself up in a particular way with a pillow when I went to bed. I slept better and woke up this morning without any back pain. I’m going to do the same thing tonight, hopefully it wasn’t a fluke!

I’m having a lot of trouble motivating myself to do pretty much anything. I’m not sure if I’m getting stuck in a rut again or if I need to talk to Dr W or Dr P about it, but I really don’t like watching the days slide by while I sit on the couch and curse myself for not getting up and doing something. I have no shortage of hobbies, books, DVDs, or computer games; it’s just so much easier to sit down and not do anything. I guess it’s better than being stuck in bed, but only by a bit. I don’t like feeling guilty that another day has gone by when I go to bed.

I guess by writing this stuff out I’m accomplishing something, so there’s that.

About six months ago, Dr C told me that I should force myself to do things that I used to enjoy and chances are I’d enjoy them again. Except for a few bumps, I kept to that advice but these last few days I really haven’t been able to do it.

The thing is, sitting on the couch all day is not fun. I want to be active. I want the satisfaction of accomplishing something or learning something new. I want to be able to say, “Check this out!” when J gets home from work.

I need to come up with a project to do. Something useful that captures my imagination and will occupy my brain for more than just a few minutes at a time. Something that I’ll feel satisfaction about when it’s done. I need to think about this.

Worries about work and insurance are still on my mind, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep trying to tell myself that everything is fine and I still have everyone’s support, but I keep worrying that one of these times when the phone rings it’ll be someone telling me that my insurance has been cancelled and I have to go back to my old job. Dr W has been quite emphatic that that won’t happen but I’m having a lot of trouble letting it go. I think that worrying about work is causing other problems and may even be contributing to my lack of motivation.

Another thing I really need to improve on is the area that I’m comfortable driving in. It hasn’t changed much over the last few months and I’m worried that I’m going to get stuck, unable to drive more than ten minutes from home. I also need to get out on the motorcycle more. I bought a new jacket just so I could ride but I’ve only done it once. Insurance isn’t cheap around here so if I don’t get out more it’ll be a huge waste. Great – yet another thing that’s pressuring me.

I’m glad the weekend is here, though. It will be good to hang out with J and maybe watch a movie or two. That would be nice.

I hope you all have a good weekend!

Stay safe!

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