Song: “Elenor” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes.
Mood: Eight. A bit of anxiety earlier, but doing well.
J had to work today so it was my first day home alone. She was rushing out of the house so there wasn’t time to have breakfast together so I went back to sleep. I woke up about two hours later, got out of bed, and started to think about what I was going to do with my day.
I did my worry hour and some mindfulness exercises and found that I was feeling pretty good. I put the new dashcam in the truck and drove for a little while before heading to my Dr C appointment. The appointment went very well; she has been chipping away at my inability to figure out what I need to do to be a good person and we found some examples from the ward where I did something nice for someone or helped someone out. I have a hard time balancing out the things I do with the things that others do for me. That person who touched me on the shoulder and spoke to me the other day caused me to have a significantly positive emotional response. I just don’t think that the things that I do for others make them feel as well. I hope they do, but I doubt it. Still, just being there for someone is something, I suppose.
After I got home I had some lunch and then decided I was going to finally do it and go for a motorcycle ride. Unfortunately, I appear to now be too husky for my riding jacket. A little bummed out about that, I put on some music and got out my colouring stuff. I coloured for a while until I realized that I was dancing in my chair along with the music. Since nobody was home and the blinds were closed, I got out of my chair and danced around for a little while. Yeah, that’s quite the image – the fat 40+ guy hopping clumsily around – but you know what? I really enjoyed myself. After dancing for a short while I headed downstairs to the record player and put on some music and started dancing around to that. It felt great, nobody to see me, and I could just flail around and have a great time. When I was done, I was in a great mood.
Once J got home, we made supper – a really tasty beef noodle dish – and then headed off to the hospital to check in and get my medications for the second part of my pass. When you sign in there, your nurse usually wants to chat with you to make sure everything’s okay. It was really great to be able to tell her that I was doing well and having a good time on the pass. I got my medications, signed back out, and we headed home.
Tonight we’re going to watch the second movie in that spaghetti western DVD set. I think it’s Navajo Joe, starring Burt Reynolds. It can’t possibly be worse than Pancho Villa… or can it?