This weekend went by very quickly. J and I had a good time and managed to get a lot of stuff done around the house in addition to watching a couple of movies. As I mentioned on Friday, I planted a bunch of seeds a week or so ago but the only plants that have sprouted so far are the tomatoes. Today I moved them and their peat pots into yogurt containers to give them a little more room:
I also planted some yellow beans and hot peppers as well as parsley, basil, and dill. J and I are discussing whether we want to have a raised garden in the yard or grow things in pots on the deck. Both have advantages and disadvantages but it’s still cool enough that we have a while still before we really need to decide. We don’t want an in-ground garden because we used treated lumber on the fence and deck and don’t want to take any chance that the plants would pick up some of the chemical.
I was going to make bread but found out that I didn’t have enough margarine. I probably should have gone to the store but I think I will do that tomorrow. I also didn’t get any welding done – there’s a bunch of cardboard and plastic in there from the treadmill and as much as I love welding, I really don’t want to burn the garage down around me.
It occurred to me this evening that it has now been a year since I’ve been off work. Of that time, I spent four months in the hospital. I still feel awful about leaving so suddenly – I just told one of my co-workers “My stomach is upset, I’m going home” before lunch on a Friday and I haven’t been back. I feel a lot of guilt for leaving but the thought of returning makes me physically ill, even now.
I also feel bad because there’s very little to show for the eight months I’ve spent at home. J, Dr C, and Dr W all remind me that it’s been my job to get better (and I get that), but I really wish I had something I could hold up and say, “Look! I’m getting better!” I guess that being able to drive the truck is an accomplishment even if I can’t go far, and I can go to stores by myself and usually handle it okay. Still, if I had a cast or surgical scars or something like that, it’d be a lot easier to show improvements.
I apologize if this post rambles or is uneven, I already took my night medications and should’ve done the post before I got all fuzzy.