Song: “Carry On Wayward Son” by Kansas
I had a couple of work nightmares last night. One of them woke J up and she carefully woke me up and told me I was having a nightmare. I do not like nightmares, and they’re in a bit of an upswing over the last little while. I’m not sure why, but I’ve been anxious about work during the day too so maybe that’s part of the problem.
I had my Dr C appointment this morning and she was very happy to hear that I got out on my bike and also did some welding. We talked for a little while and then she took me through a mindfulness exercise that was really very relaxing. I’ve always found it interesting that when I think I’m relaxed, there’s still a lot of tension in various parts of my body that can be released and leave me feeling like a rag doll (in a good way).
This is also my second-last appointment with Dr C before she leaves for a year. I’ve already got another psychologist lined up – Dr P. I will miss Dr C – I’ve been seeing her about once a week for almost 18 months and I am very comfortable with how she runs the sessions and how she digs around to get to the bottom of a particular feeling or emotion. The first day I saw her I could barely spit out the words I was trying to say and I was incredibly nervous about talking about my thoughts and emotions with a stranger. She made it easy.
J came home early to take me to my Dr W appointment, which went quite well. I told Dr W about my recent thoughts about work and he gave me a step-by-step thing to tell myself next time work pops into my head.
I don’t know why I keep worrying about work. I’m slowly getting better but I’m still not in any condition to be a productive worker. I’m still worried that I will be forced back into my previous job but both Dr C and Dr W say they’ll write whatever letters they need to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’ve been putting in a LOT of work to get better and it would all be for nothing if I went back to my old job and lost all this progress. I’ll try to stop.
Other than that, I’m happy to say that things are going pretty well. I hope your day is going well, too.