A Good Way To Start The Week

Song: “Skyliner” by Charlie Barnet

Mood: 7

Nightmares: 0

Ghosts: Several

For the most part, the weekend went well. J and I both got some of our own stuff done, as well as some house stuff and some relaxing. The only blip was when we went out to a couple of stores on Sunday. I had asked her if she wanted to go out on a short trip and she had some stuff she wanted to do too. Things went pretty well until we got out of the car and walked into the first store. It wasn’t very crowded but it felt like there were people everywhere. I was standing in the hardware aisle, looking for screws, and aside from J and me, there was only one guy and his daughter (four or five years old?) there.

Even though it was only the four of us (and plenty of room), I couldn’t stop thinking that I was going to back into or knock over the little kid, who was being good and staying close to her dad. I was worried where she was, where he was, and where J was. J was trying to help me with the screws but I couldn’t concentrate and could feel myself winding into a knot. I grabbed a selection of stuff, threw it in the basket, and we got out of there. I’d been looking for a particular food dehydrator that was cheap and would do a good job of drying my 3D filaments, and we stopped briefly in the section while J scoped it out and found the only one they had in stock.

We got out to the car and I stayed there while J darted into and out of two other stores before we headed home. No panic attack but it felt like it was coming. I hate that feeling. But, like I said, that was the only problem all weekend, so I guess it’s not too bad.

J took today off, which was a very nice surprise. I like long weekends, and spending time with J – even if we’re doing our own things in the same room – is great. We talked, hung out, watched some more Brooklyn Nine-Nine, cleaned up the house a bit, marvelled at how quickly the snow is melting, cursed at scam phone calls… all kinds of things. It was wonderful that she was home!

Both Dr C and Dr W have prescribed mental activity, keeping busy, and doing things I enjoy, and after helping FA with her project, I want to try to maintain some of the momentum I had going. I was (and still am) surprised at how much I enjoyed working on that stuff and fiddling around with hobbies that I haven’t really touched in years. Scribbling ideas onto a frayed old notepad while passing the pencil back and forth with FA and hammering out the best way to do something was a fascinating and fun experience.

I am not a particularly creative person. I played the trumpet way back when, and while I was a crazy good sight reader (and I say this in all modesty), I couldn’t improvise worth beans. That same lack of creativity is part of the reason why just going and building something doesn’t come easily for me. I’ll just sit there, staring at stuff, and trying to figure out something amazing or fun to do; normally, nothing happens. FA’s project gave me something to think about and work toward, but I can’t go around to people asking if they have hobby stuff for me to play with – I need to come up with ideas on my own, then muster up the confidence and enthusiasm to do things. I’m a fan of Rube Goldberg machines… maybe I can try to come up with the least efficient way to do something.

Another thing I need to stop thinking about and start doing is regular exercise. The little scampers I do around the block and that extra set of stairs I did because I forgot something in the basement aren’t cutting it. I know that some of the medications I’m taking (or have taken in the past) have caused me to gain quite a bit of weight and I crave carbs and candy pretty much 24/7, but just because I’m heavier doesn’t mean I can’t (or shouldn’t) be up and moving around. It’s good for my heart, mood, blood pressure (which, despite my readings from a couple of days ago, I’m worried about (but more on that another time)), joints, blood sugar, posture… all kinds of things. I know that J and my family are worried about my weight and the associated things that come with it, and a good third to a half of my extended family is diabetic, so I really need to get moving. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but it needs to be something that is repeatable and won’t bore me.

If you have any ideas or thoughts on the matter, please let me know! This is something I really, really want to start in on, and this time of year is perfect for me – if I can get into the habit of doing something now, I’ll be a lot more likely to continue on than if I start when it’s 28C and cloudy with mosquitoes in the morning. My mind is also in a place right now where I can get out of bed and do things instead of spending the day in bed or sitting on the couch in the basement – I should take advantage of this.

Well… I’ve just gone back and read this post and I kind of went off the rails. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations – you’ve made it to the summary: the weekend was good (except for about an hour that wasn’t), today was good, and it was even better because my sweetie had the day off!

I have a Dr C appointment on Wednesday and a Dr W appointment on Thursday, but other than that, my week should be pretty quiet. My plan so far is to keep busy, come up with something to occupy my mind, and figure out where/when/how to get this fat guy moving around a bit!

Stay safe.

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