Song: “Too Bad” by Doug and the Slugs
I took my medication early last night in preparation for getting up a little earlier than normal today to make it to my appointment. I woke up with the alarm, got ready, and headed out. The appointment went quickly and very well – the little bit of worry that the doctor had about a spot in one of my kidneys was dismissed with the latest scan. I’ve got one more scan scheduled for two years from now and if everything looks the same, he’s going to give me the thumbs up and that’ll be the last appointment.
I picked up a box of cereal on the way home and had breakfast once I was home and sitting down.
My Raspberry Pi boards arrived today and they sure are tiny! I unpacked one of them and got it working pretty quickly. It’s not a stellar performer but for the size it’s pretty incredible. I attached a camera to it and pointed it at Lloyd as a test.
I spent some time sitting on the couch in the basement, doing some thinking. I thought a lot about work and how I wish things had gone differently when I got sick. I should’ve gone to see Dr C a lot earlier than I did, like J suggested. I also should’ve taken a week or two off to relax a bit instead of working until I hit my breaking point. I wish I could go back in time and do things warn myself about what was coming.
It’s been 18 months since I’ve been off work and I wish I could go back right now. I miss my friends and the stuff I used to be able to do. I need to be realistic, though – if I went back to work right now I would in all likelihood end up back in the hospital. There’s no way I can go back to my old job, either – aside from J and Dr W saying that I can’t, the thought of doing it still makes my stomach churn. I can’t deny that things are slowly getting better, but there’s still so far to go. J had a good way of describing it when she said that conversations with me now have “less crazy and more rational” to them.
I’m worried that I’m getting stuck in another rut. I’ve been stuck between a five and six on the mood scale for the last while and I really wish that I would feel better. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m not doing anything differently and nothing has really changed but I just don’t feel well. I suppose it could always be worse – recovery has lots of ups and downs – but it could be a lot better, too.