Song: “Perform This Way” by ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
I slept relatively well last night and today was a good day. I listened to a lot of music and did some writing, and my exercises went pretty well, too.
My OCD is definitely flaring up. I’m having a lot of trouble with doors, especially the garage door. I had to go back downstairs and check to make sure the freezer was closed twice after I brought up a bag of peas, and I had to check J’s and my keys a few times to make sure they weren’t hanging from the front door.
This is a little disappointing but it’s okay. Stuff flares up from time to time, and Dr W said that now that we’re starting to get some other stuff under control, something else was bound to pop up and take its place. It’s like whack-a-mole, but with mental health. I’m lucky, too – my OCD causes me difficulties but it’s not as bad as some people have it.
So it’s my 300th post. I think I’m in a better place than I was 100, 200, and (definitely) 300 posts ago. I haven’t needed to be readmitted to the hospital since I last got out on June 26th. My medications have changed; I’m taking more venlafaxine and zopiclone than I was, but I’m no longer taking two medications (lorazepam and haloperidol) and I haven’t had any withdrawal issues. I’m not hearing voices, and I’m only waking up to a couple of nightmares each night instead of the six to eight range that I was a year ago.
My sessions with Dr P have been going well. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has been working well for some of my issues that CBT hasn’t been effective. Nothing is going to be good at everything, but it’s another useful tool in my toolbox.
I still can’t drive very far, and I’m uncomfortable being away from the house. On the upside, I used to panic in crowds but since September I’ve been able to go to busy stores and tolerate crowds for short periods.
I still have great difficulty answering the phone, even when I recognize the number as someone I want to talk to. I’m much more comfortable with letting it go to voicemail and then calling the person back. Texts are even better, although I sometimes feel pressured to check my phone and answer texts immediately when the “text received” light is flashing.
All in all, though, things are on the upswing. With luck, my 400th post will have even better news!
For those of you who’ve been following along with my adventures, thanks for your time – I hope you found something useful or interesting!