Stitches Out!

Song: Soundtrack from Surviving Mars (Computer Game)

Mood: 7.5

Nightmares: More than usual lately

Ghosts: Pack

Today was an early day. Got to the clinic with plenty of time to spare (thanks sweetie!) and I didn’t even have to wait too long until I was called in to see the nurse. She was pleased with how my arm looked and it took only a minute or two to get the tape off and the stitches out. Talk about relief… the novelty of feeling the stitches pulling whenever I bent my arm a bit wore off pretty quickly.

According to the nurse I don’t need to worry about my elbow splitting open if I bend it too hard, but the skin is pretty tight around there now so while I can bend my arm pretty well now it’s still a little uncomfortable when the skin stretches. As an added bonus, if I bend it even farther, I irritate the nerves there and it feels like I’ve banged my funny bone. I’m supposed to work on range of motion but not lift anything heavy or do anything strenuous with that arm until I’ve had the followup with the surgeon in a few weeks.

I’m very pleased with things. I’m pretty sure my fingers are already less numb and more useful, and it’s so good to be able to use both arms again.

As far as other stuff goes, things aren’t too bad. I’ve been keeping myself very busy and am working on a couple of different projects. J and I have been watching 30 Rock and playing Stardew Valley, and we’ve had some really nice weather so we’ve spent some time outside, too.

I’m still not sleeping all that well and have been having more nightmares than usual, though. They’re almost all the same tent one, but sometimes the life jacket one gets in there too. So it’s taking me a while longer to shake off the morning grogginess and concentrating on things is a little more difficult. The good thing is that if the past is any indicator, this should pass shortly and I’ll be back to getting sleep and not having nightmares and making weird noises or talking and waking J up (sorry about that).

I had another appointment with the dietician and we went over a lot of stuff. We are both pleased with the things I’ve been working into my diet and the effect it’s all been having, and we started to talk about entire meals. She gave me a recipe for taco salad that I wasn’t too keen on trying (anyone who knows me will know that coleslaw is NOT my thing, bleurgghhh), but J and I made it that evening for supper and I found it surprisingly edible. A bigger surprise was that we had leftovers and it seems that sitting in the fridge for a day made it even better. We’re going to see if we can work it into a rotation. Hooray for cabbage!

Tomorrow (or later today, I guess) is Friday and then it’s the weekend again. I hope there is some more good weather. I have some stuff that I’d like to do outside, and if the weather cooperates I’d like to spend some more time in my big fat man chair, staring at the sky and watching the rabbits wander around the yard.

Stay safe.

My Brain Says Some Weird Stuff

I was sitting on the couch with my eyes closed and started to drift a bit. My brain often does strange things when I’m in that half-awake/half-asleep zone. I don’t really dream but I “hear” lots of stuff, and this one was stranger than most.

VOICE 1: “We have Jimmy Stewart in the studio here today.”

VOICE 2: “Uh, hello there, here I am.”

VOICE 1: “Jimmy has promised to smoke 200 cigarettes right here on live TV every time someone donates more than five dollars. You’re a good man.”

VOICE 2: “I will. It’s for a good cause.”

That was when I shook my head and got up off the couch…

Stay safe.

Good Stuff

Song: “My Perfect Cousin” by The Undertones

Mood: 7

Nightmares: 2?

Ghosts: Few

Friday was a very long day, but the surgery on my arm went well and there were no surprises like finding a golf tee in my elbow or discovering that the nerves in my arm have been infected with liver flukes. I’m afraid to say anything but I think I’m already noticing an improvement in my hand.

Something did happen, though, but I’m not 100% sure what it was. I guess I started to panic partway through the surgery and they had to dose me again to get me to calm down. I don’t know what was bothering me, although I remember that sounds weren’t working properly and there was a blue surgical drape to my right. Beyond that, I have no idea. It’d be nice to know, though, so if I end up in an operating room again I’ll know what’s coming and can advise the doctors.

J and I hung out and were pretty quiet for most of Friday evening and Saturday. I slept like the dead on Friday night, probably because I was still shaking off the aftereffects of the medications… but I had nightmares (tent) on both Saturday and Sunday nights.

With a lot of the COVID-19 restrictions being lifted, it’s easier to get out and do things. FA came over yesterday afternoon and she, J, and I had a good chat before FA and I headed off to the hardware store to do a short walkthrough and some shopping. It closes earlier than I thought on Sundays, so despite all of the weird things and laughing and noises we’ve made in there over the years, yesterday was the first time an employee suggested that we start heading toward the door.

After we paid for our stuff, we went and picked up some burritos at the burrito shop, then went back to the house and the three of us had a delightful burrito dinner and another great chat outside on the back lawn. The weather was pretty much perfect for me – warmish but half-overcast and with a nice breeze. Very pleasant.

Aside from being kind of tired because of the nightmares waking me up last night, today has been a pretty decent day. My mother-in-law dropped by for a visit on her way out of town, and it was very good to see her and catch up on some of the news and gossip. She seems to be doing pretty well, and hopefully she’ll be back in town for another visit soon!

J is still working from home so things are pretty quiet during the day and I’m still so happy she’s around! She takes her work seriously, though, so I only really see her on breaks or when she takes her lunch, but just knowing she’s here or hearing her move around or her muffled voice makes the house so much brighter and happy. Ahhhhh…

Aside from that, I’ve got some more projects that I’m working on. Nothing too important, but enough to keep my mind and hand(s) busy.

Stay safe.

Tomorrow’s The Day

Song: N/A

Mood: 6.5

Nightmares: 1

Ghosts: Several

Very short post because I need to get to bed. Going to the hospital tomorrow morning and getting my arm surgery tomorrow afternoon. I’m excited about getting it done and hopefully getting better control over my fingers again, but I’m also getting very nervous. I’m a little nervous about the surgery (which is very common and minor) because I’m concerned he’s going to open it up and go “uh-oh”. I’m also nervous about getting there on time, whether I get lost or say/do something stupid, and whether I’ll have everything I need.

But it will be fine. Late tomorrow afternoon I will be back at home, sitting on the couch in the basement, and watching shows or something. It’ll all go perfectly.

But… maybe if you don’t mind, wish me luck. Can’t hurt.

Stay safe.


Song: “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany

Mood: 6.5

Nightmares: 1

Ghosts: Several

The weekend was good but it went by a little too quickly. We had some pretty good weather, and I spent some time outside enjoying the air and puttering around a little bit. Saturday in particular was beautiful, with a deep blue sky with nothing but a faded moon interrupting it. I took a couple of pictures, none of which really show just how blue the sky was:

Blue skyWe’ve had lots of animals in the back yard, too. Rabbits, squirrels (which are no longer welcome because they’ve been devouring the bird seed), and lots of different birds like chipping sparrows, juncos, blue jays, robins, crows, and a bunch I haven’t been able to identify yet. Pretty neat.

My Dr C appointment was alright. One of the things that frequently amazes me about Dr C is that she remembers all kinds of things that I mention. She’ll often reference something that I said a few sessions ago, a few months ago… even a few years ago. I don’t know how she does it, but it’s impressive. I’m pretty sure I’m not her only patient, so where does she get the brain space to remember all that stuff about all her patients? I’ve asked her a couple of times and she just smiles and says, “part of the job”.

One of the things that came up during the appointment, though, is that it’s becoming apparent that I’m slipping in several areas. I’m not worrying about things like the freezer or stove (thank goodness), but I’m getting stuck on the doors again, having some more nightmares, and experiencing more panic attacks. My sleep is all over the map again, but I’m not falling asleep on the couch (or at the dining room table now), which is good. J and I talked a bit about this stuff today, and she mentioned that she’s noticed I’ve been more concerned about things again too

I’m also feeling much more reluctant to leave the house, which bothers me a lot because of how well things were going just a few months ago. It’s easy for me to joke about having to self-isolate or whatever, but I don’t like feeling that I really shouldn’t go outside. I still haven’t started up my motorcycle this year, haven’t done any welding… haven’t even had the truck out for weeks now I think. Not that there’s a lot of stuff that I should be doing or want to be doing, but I don’t like the feeling of dread settling on my shoulders again when I’m thinking about going out.

Speaking of going out… I’m still scheduled to get that minor surgery on my elbow done on Friday. I’m excited about getting it done, but I wish they could come and do it here. Even out in the back yard or something – get some good sunlight, everyone gets some fresh air, we could have some iced tea and do up some hot dogs on the BBQ, maybe some fruit salad and potato chips – everyone could go home after a nice relaxing operation.

Part of the problem is that with all the precautions being taken by the hospitals around here, J won’t be able to come into the hospital with me and instead will drop me off at the door and then pick me up when I’m fixed. As I’ve said about fifty thousand times in my posts here (and will continue to say), J makes everything so much easier just by being around and being herself. Yes, I’m a big boy, and yes, things will get done and work out fine, but this has me nervous and gives that part of my brain that wants to curl up in the basement ammunition when the rest of me argues with it. But yes, I know it will be fine.

I’m also having trouble with what’s been going on in the news. The magnitude and breadth of the current issues makes it impossible to avoid hearing or reading about it, and I’m finding it hard to keep from dwelling on it and trying to figure out how it should be fixed. I need to keep my hands and brain busy with other things like tasks or hobbies… which will be more difficult if I need to keep from using one of my arms after Friday. We’ll see what happens.

I hope you are all well and safe. Take care of yourselves and make sure to tell your family and friends that you care about them.

Stay safe.