Today was pretty rough and much like yesterday. I woke up from two nightmares last night that had me sitting on the edge of the bed, doing my best to fight off waves of panic and not wake J. It’s been a while since I’ve had two nightmares that were that vivid in a single night.
I think I’m also starting to hear things again. It’s just out in my periphery but there’s definitely something there that wasn’t there a few days ago. Voices used to be a problem for me so I’m really REALLY hoping this just goes away on its own.
I managed to take the truck to the neighbourhood auto shop this morning and they fixed the air conditioner. I’ve never been there before so I gave the guy a test – I told him to take a look around the truck and if he saw anything else that needed doing to let me know. All he did was the A/C and said he didn’t find anything wrong with the truck. That’s good.
I feel pretty rotten. Tough to do anything today. I have my Dr C appointment tomorrow, maybe she’ll be able to figure out what’s going on with me.
I’m sorry but this is going to be a short post. I’m still feeling pretty bad – very anxious like I’m a spring being wound tighter and tighter. I didn’t sleep very well last night and had no luck taking a nap today either. I had my Dr W appointment today and it was much more difficult than usual but on the way out to the elevator, the patient care manager that I sent that letter to stopped me in the hallway and thanked me for it, which was nice.
I had to dip into my PRN lorazepam supply today. I always feel guilty about that because it feels like a step backwards but I have to remember that it’s okay to have bad days and it’s okay to take PRNs – that’s what they’re for. With luck, I’ll be able to get a good sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a better day.
I’ve been feeling anxious and jumpy all day. I had two small panic attacks this afternoon and I can’t stop thinking about who I am, who I should be, and how to make sure that I’m a good person. I wasn’t getting anywhere with it so I tried to put it out of my head but I haven’t had much luck. I can feel myself winding up, tighter and tighter. I hate it.
J took me to the nearby hospital early in the morning for a CT scan appointment so now that’s done and over with. They injected a contrast that made me feel like I’d just wet myself; fortunately, they warned me about it first. After that, we headed home. J is still not feeling very well so she took today off and we hung out for a lot of the day.
The air conditioner in the truck isn’t working. I did some troubleshooting today and figured out enough to say I need to take it into a shop to get a professional to look at it. The fuses and everything look good but the clutch isn’t engaging to turn on the compressor. Could be that there’s not enough refrigerant left in the system, could be that there’s something wrong with the clutch solenoid or the clutch itself. On the upside, I spent about an hour out in the beautiful sunshine we had today.
J signed us both up for a pointillism class next week. It’s just a one evening thing but it will be nice to get out of the house and do something different.
Argh… I hate how I’m feeling right now. I may have to break down and take one of my PRN medications if it gets any worse. Mass Effect didn’t divert my attention enough (which is weird) – maybe I’ll go downstairs and listen to some music. Hopefully that will help.